I thought 'whale' was the nickname for the consistent big spenders at casinos in Las Vegas, the ones that get comped rooms, food, liquor, jet flights. All they have to do is lose big money at their place on a regular basis. It's in the film CASINO, so it must be true!

Years ago, my godmother (who was in the news business in CA) said that Connie Chung could crack open walnuts using only her bare hands.

Henri Pablo may not reflect the AKC standard, but his Adorable Handsomeness standards are off the charts~

I hope that sex toy was dildolphin safe.

A missing favorite - "A BUNCH OF _ _ LL _ _ SHERS" was solved as 'a bunch of pill pushers' instead of 'well wishers', leading Pat to shriek, 'THIS IS WHEEL OF FORTUNE!!'.

I bet you didn't have any of that free free medical care neither. I used to have dreams about not re-using strangers' discarded bandaids and tissues, of one day getting to the door of a doctor's office without finding a 'NO HEALTH LEFT, SOLD OUT' sign. But it built character!

Did you have to pay the owners of the septic tank to let you stay there?

Oh, we used to dream of living in a cave! My family lived in a shoebox in the middle of a road!

Yes, if one was really THAT poor, they'd wear an empty barrel with suspenders!

My favorite - The claim that HE WANTS KIDS - "It's hardwired into his DNA. No matter what he says when he's in his twenties, when he gets a little older, he's going to want a legacy to leave behind. But please make sure he's ready before you stop taking your birth control." Ugh, vomit spew.

That his name is 'Got Hard' isn't helping.

That's only in Canada, thanks to socialized medicine.

Noah's ARK. Ark with a K.

Of the not-so-loved 'Monty Emu's Flightless Circus'?

Rejected ideas for diamond marketing - Shoe Shopping Diamonds! Frozen Yogurt Diamonds! Book Club Diamonds! Teddy Bear Diamonds!

Just keep praying to Cod.

Future pickup line for ladies hoping to get with Bear - "Hey baby, what's ursine?"

Wow, answering the never-asked question, 'what would happen if Jimmy Fallon dressed up like Johnny Rotten then got a frontal lobotomy?'

…. far enough so everyone can look down your top and see your dirty pillows.

JOUCH! Jow jembarrassing!