This is as close as anyone has ever come to Dan Gilbert fan fic.

*crosses fingers*

Gilbert is so used to dealing with people so desperate for a loan that they will agree to anything probably doesn’t make him the best at negotiating.

Perhaps we are looking at this thing from the wrong angle. For a moment, go ahead and squeeze all of your muscles so your soul squirts out of your nose. There. Now you are a killer. Now you are the business prophet. Your mother approaches you and all you can see is a complex diagram of revenue and cost. It’s trying to…

I hope Gilbert formats his next screed in Papyrus so he can show that he’s an adult now.

I don’t know, Fellatio looked good in the European league, but will his defense hold up in the NBA? I’m not sure the Bulls go for that straight up.

“The Celtics would be fools to trade the third overall pick for Butler. He was picked 30th. At most, the Celtics should offer a couple of conditional second-rounders for him.” - Sam Hinkie

You know you can root for a school and not blindly worship its coaches, right?

With a motto like that he’s bound to be the dirtiest dude out there. Mark my words, there’s a scandal of epic proportions in his future.

Publishers don’t care if anyone READS these books, they just care if someone BUYS them.

So used car salesmen, pool cleaning proprietors, and other Alabama boosters.

Bammers are buying them and asking friends to read them to them.

The remaindered ones (along with every National Review columnist and reactionary yeller getting a book deal) are a vital component in building a 3-mile-high border wall from Tijuana to Matamoros.

Real men air out Kiffin via overhead projector.

Can you imagine the level of fucking asshole you have to be in order for Nick Saban to show more humanity, empathy, and dignity than you?

Well, there’s like 6 months of nothing to do in Alabama. Having said that yeah I still don’t know who can read them.

Savage recently co-authored a book with writer Ray Glier that focuses on his past eight years working as a radio commentator for Alabama.

Does this end with him and Isaiah Thomas in dual clawfoot bathtubs in the yard of their “rustic” 1.5 million dollar farmhouse?

Danny Ainge looks like a guy mucking around on a guitar in an erectile dysfunction medication commercial.

why? not like floyd’s ever gonna read that

The man himself makes it difficult to feel anything but apathy about people making fun of his illiteracy especially coupled with the fact that illiteracy is something that can be changed when you have the sort of resources available to him.

I understand the point you’re trying to make but this is a hill you die on…