lol no. That tweet is dumb.

Definitely don’t leave an expensive sex toy wrapped up in that pile of sheets or you’ll have to talk to management, who will then go into another room and ask the staff if they found said item, in which case you will hear shrieks of laughter and tittering in Spanish, and then the manager will return with the expensive…

In Capitalist America, people kill motorcycles!

I didn’t listen to this trash so I don’t know if he called her a “female,” but this guy definitely calls women “females,” right?

So...what’s the morel of this story?

Actually, any religion mixing with the state is at odds with our Constitution. Freedom of religion is also freedom from religion, or at least it should be.

So that’s what 28 looks like when you’re a hate-filled numbskull.

Americans are great at setting shit on fire. Can we set that shit on fire? Like, it’s your patriotic duty to try and set that shit on fire if you ever see it rolling by. Americans are great at setting shit on fire. Carry a lighter & a bottle of lighter fluid with you at all times.

Mama June weirdly resembles Elvis in this picture

well done

I would just call them “HuffMace”

you forgot the /s

It’s actually “Californinny”

I washed dishes in a restaurant for a year. I think it gave me carpal tunnel syndrome. 

gets me thirsty every time!

seltzer in a can could help! I’ve also decided to trim down and found that seltzer replicates that feeling of “cracking a cold one.” I’m only drinking beer on the weekends now. 

are straight people okay

Known homosexual here. Being LGBT doesn’t automatically mean you take a gay person’s side. I thought the story sounded strange when I first heard it— like, too many details, you know? If he’d said two guys in maga hats beat him up, that would be quite believable, but everything else was just over the edge. However,…

trust me, I’m torn on this one

NYC: Breathe through your partially-closed mouth to avoid smells.