Well, he dodged the draft pretty well.

Dude. We have something literally called “War College.” https://usnwc.edu/

Chain restaurants like Chili’s, Applebee’s, Fuddrucker’s, Houlihan’s, TGIFridays, etc. are garbage places serving garbage food and the waitstaff has to upsell shit all the time. Go to a normal independent diner/restaurant  if you can, please. We have some wonderful diners here in the States.

If I had to choose, I’d choose to fuck this guy instead of Stephen Miller. 

“[...]no one tells them that the fastest way to get permanently exiled from a backwards village is to just go ahead and do something gay. You’ll be in the big city in no time.”

Deservedly so. I’d always dismissed AIWFCIY but three years ago I watched the first video for this song (there are three). It’s a brilliant art film! Apparently Mariah directed it too.

More like homicide doors for any passing cyclists.

But all the good shows are on Netflix now, so there shall be no rioting in the streets. 

Kyle Maclachlan has a wine! http://www.pursuedbybearwine.com/story.html

of course he fucking manspreads.

Ah! See, it takes a dictionary to figure it out! Funny, you’d think that as a conservative who is still eating freedom fries, I would be suspicious of anything French-named!

Hey, you misgendered Kelly. Please correct this.

I love dumb puns, but they have to be logical. Is “Dairy Air” some sort of circa-2000 oxygen bar concept that serves milk-flavored whiffs of air? Is it a cow’s fart? Neither of these are very appealing to me, the potential consumer. 

at 13 I had the presence of mind to refuse braces after seeing what my sister had gone through and how much money it cost my parents. Today I have a slight overbite, a small gap between my two front teeth, and a crooked canine, which is not very noticeable. I am employed. I can chew all my food. I’m fine. I don’t get…

when I was a baby gay in high school and definitely not out, some asshole kid tried to provoke our biology teacher by asking her if she was a lesbian. Mrs. G, whom we all knew was married to a man, responded that her sexuality wasn’t anyone’s business. This really basic thing— not kneejerk-asserting her…

“The long list banned Santa, reindeer, and yes, candy canes, but okayed non-secular penguins, gingerbread people, and snowflakes (ha).” I think penguins are pretty secular, actually. Jury’s out on gingerfolk; they’re probably Satanists.

20 DOLLARS FOR 50 FUCKED UP CANDY CORNS???

y’know, artisanal, mixologist-crafted body shots are actually pretty good, so long as you don’t bruise the whipped cream by shaking the can. 

There is a line in Marjane Satrapi’s “Persepolis” where the protagonist says something to the effect of: “I realized if I was busy worrying about the length of my head scarf, I wouldn’t have time to worry about if my rights were being violated.” Not the exact quote but yeah. Something else is going on here, folks. If…

If you read the article, they actually admitted to the first and third accusations. No comment on #2, adulterating the beer with tequila.