It’s been my experience most homeless don’t want a sandwich, or the orange I didn’t eat at lunch. They want money to buy drugs and/or booze.

The people who created and/or popularized all those innovations worked their asses off, and got super-rich. (Except for the guys who created Batman - they kinda got boned.) Fortunately, they didn’t have some sweaty bureaucrat telling them “OK, you’ve made enough money. I’m taking the rest and redistributing it -…

I walk through the diamond district every night. Security guards are armed but they aren’t especially fearsome-looking. And none of them are ever paying attention to anything - if they’re not actually carrying loot, they are dicking around on their phones. You could walk right up and grab something and they probably…

Married 23 years and the wife has never caught me. I caught her once and it was one of the few moments in all that time she was rendered completely speechless. I tried a “Hey, need some help there?” but she covered up and ran away. It was never spoken of again.

I live and work in New York City. It’s distressing to see 50% of obvious foreign tourists walking around with a brand-new Yankees hat. Don’t buy that! The royal-blue-and-orange hat is much better looking, and that team doesn’t represent evil!

You’re missing out.

Those two just need to kiss and get it over with already.

One of the teachers at my high school, a Christian Brother, was a small, soft-spoken, kinda effeminate Italian guy. Charming, pleasant man. Except the time when he went into the mall jewelry counter and asked to see the crucifix and the girl behind the counter asked if he wanted one “with the little man on it or…

My 6-year-old daughter did a little pre-puke on the living room hardwood floor. No big deal. “Do you have more?” “Yeah” “OK, go in the bathroom.” I got up to follow her but then had to stop the cat from eating the pre-puke. Imagine my sadness when I get to the bathroom to find my daughter smiling, having let…

I buy 12-packs and take them from one end. And when I get down to half-a-dozen I get my bread knife and hacksaw off the empty end of the egg carton and throw it out to make room. It is strangely satisfying.

Ballroom and tango type of dancing is cool, provided you have a partner who can accompany you and a situation where it’s appropriate. The second condition is key - no one likes that one goofy couple taking up WAY too much room with their fancy, obviously-rehearsed routine at (someone else’s) wedding or a Sweet 16…

You know what else is a reliable method of birth control? Closing the ol’ legs.

Like, a million years ago. They taught us nothing in the 70s. I distinctly remember asking the teacher in 3rd grade health “But how does the sperm get inside the lady?” and the teacher hemming and hawing and then saying “Ask your parents”. Which I did not because the teacher made it all weird.

Here’s a quick reference: if your job can be done by Corky from Life Goes On, you should not be trying to raise a family on it, or demanding $15 an hour.

I love hearing McD workers bellow about how they can’t feed their kids on their burger-pay. Hey, Flippy, here’s a thought: maybe don’t have kids before you can afford them. I mean, do people not know where babies come from?

Kids today... the other day my 21-year-old daughter expressed surprise upon learning that Marilyn Monroe was an actress. She said she thought MM was just pretty and famous-for-being-famous like Kim Kardashian. Or at most a model.

Am I the only Comic Book Nerd here? Guess they’re all on IO9.

Vacation spots. Orlando. West Palm. It tasted terrible.

Basically anything with a reasonable commute to Manhattan is vastly overpriced. Anything relatively affordable, like say Bensonhurst, you’re on a train for an hour. The whole thing is screwed up. Doesn’t matter to me anymore - I am old and don’t care about living in a cool neighborhood. But I feel bad for my…

I had a couple at the little Vanderbilt Place outpost and they were really good. I need to go to the Flatiron shop.