French people would probably taste better than most people, should one ever decide to actually eat people

I wanted brownies before, but now I REALLY want them.

Go fuck yourself.

Okay, I just confused Taylor Kitsch and Taylor Kinney, and thought Lady Gaga would have to be a fourth in that group. I wasn’t upset by the visual.

I live in Minnesota, I think that makes me an honorary Canadian... at least to the rest of the country.

YESSSSS! Thank you.

Clean the house, and raise Samanthaaaaa

What if I’m not Canadian and know where that’s from?

Wellllllll, we share 50% of our DNA sequence with bananas, so technically we’re all half-fruit.

there’s the fallout from an unexpected post-gig threesome in Minneapolis where the hotel maid cleaned everything except a leftover bump of cocaine on the dresser (“That’s how you get good Yelp reviews.”

Ehh...

That a dork is a whale’s penis/ingrown hair on an elephant’s butt/whatever. UGH.

Or we could just burn them all to the ground...

I’m pretty glad you found out that’s not true, because that playground joke has got to go. When adults start screaming it, I get pissed.

As in, the random boners don’t happen anymore, or they don’t happen on the school bus anymore...?

I see we’ve brought THIS back...

I would, but then they’d catch onto my white girl privilege and take all my drugs away.

I’ve been getting stopped lately for being fat. They pat my tummy. That’s... embarrassing.

Sure, but they GROW skin samples, they don’t HARVEST them. The skin is tissue that has never touched a human body. It’s not like they’re going all Pillow Book on it.

But don’t worry, you guys—female artists aren’t marginalized. They’re just not as good as male artists!