I WANT.

If we don’t eat them, the feathered dinosaurs win, and it’s Jurassic Park all over again.

(I love your name.)

I once walked out of my house and there were about 15 raccoon in the yard. They all sat on their haunches and stared at me until I Homer-slinked back into the house.

Have I told you lately how much I adore you? Because I do.

Female-on-male violence. That’s what it’s going to take before they take us seriously. It’s sad, but true.

A woman in my apartment building has a sister who visits with her “emotional support” dog. The thing lunges and snaps at people. As someone who will be applying for a service dog in the nearish future (type 1 diabetes), this pisses me off to no end. What if a seeing eye dog nipped at someone? Emotional support animals…

...my parrot thinks this counts as “music” and tries to whistle along with it and makes clapping noises and goes “woooooo.” WOO, DISHWASHER PARTY WOO.

HAHAHAHAHAHA, have fun with that countersuit, bitch!

Gay sex is for training the butthole to hide larger and larger objects. If we don’t stop it, teh gays will be boarding planes with BOMBS in their poopchutes. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? BUTTBOMBS??

He is my new reason to fear wading into the dating pool again.

I got 46. I am 33...

“Hopped up on lentils and feminism, a gang of readers attacked a group of innocent men while they blew dandelion puffs in the park.”

Yeah, they should call the police for protection. Oh, wait...

Exactly what I was going to say. Female murderers. THAT’S when they’ll take us seriously.

*Poseur. (Nerd!)

We all know waffles are still better...

My Spanglish-speaking nephew decided a scar on my leg was from not wearing my chanclas, and then berated me for going around barefoot. Instead of telling him it’s because I cut myself shaving with a dull razor, I sat there an took it, because I’m a big girl, dammit.