This hurts more than my lungs do.

Jraphing calculator

I'm sick and dying and all you want to do is fight with me! If we were really friends, you'd smile and nod, and slip me a couple muscle relaxers. :(

SCuhBaah, duh.

It's only irritating because it's true. That's right, SugarHill; you're an oyster, and I'm a grain of sand that got all up in your business, and will one day emerge as The Pearl of Truth.

Has this chef ever been to Fort Myers, Florida? Does he know who lives in Fort Myers, Florida?

Yeah, and jraphics. As in jraphics interchange formate.

Solidarity, yo.

You win, I'm tapping out. Your awesomeness is too great for me. But know this...

Careful, you're talking to a princess. A DRUISH princess.

Oh, now we're going with the multiverse theory? I'm not your guy, friend.

In high school I joined this program that was sort of military-lite, and my mom and I got into a fight in which she was goading me, saying "You want to call me a bitch, don't you? Well, it's Bitch Ma'am to you!" Since then it's become a joke between us, and I still call her that, with the understanding that "it's…

I call bullshit. Pizza the Hut ate himself to death. Your wife pulled a fast on on you, buddy.

"You know, most women your age already have two kids."

Any geese deaths in public are probably in self-defense anyway, so I think we're good. ;)

Now I want to get a goose just to try it. And it it at the park in front of it's brethren.

I'm pretty sure if I had to kill my own food, I'd only eat fish and geese. I'm cool with chickens, but geese? Geese have it coming.

Seriously. Buzzfeed or The Berry is a dream job. I dare you to find someone better at screwing around on the internet finding random shit all day than I am.

You're a damned hero, is what you are.

I work for a cat circus