Fortunately, Federigo's Falcon is NOT on the list of ingredients.

Try it and report back, please and thank you.

"Eh, it's not so big."

THE DREAM IS ALIVE!!

Thank you.

But that will cause autism!!1!!?$#((@!

I CAN'T RUB ONE OUT AT THE GYM. THEY THREATENED TO REVOKE MY MEMBERSHIP.

There are.

You know how you want something and you don't think it exists so you give up on it, and then you find out it exists and you're more excited about it than you should be, and certainly more than you should be at work, but you're just so happy to get home and kick your husband out of the house for a while so you can play…

WHERE IS THE SIGN-UP SHEET FOR THIS SERVICE?

I really do.

I'd be so thrilled if you followed me, because for a brief moment in time, my notifications would say "Satan is following you." And I'd laugh and laugh.

Aww, shucks. Thanks!

I love you.

It's almost cute how they don't realize Hitler and his band of merry Nazis wanted to eliminate them from existence. Kind of like how the internet loves cats.

Coconuts are WAY healthier than cupcakes, brah!

No. Fuck the Paleos AND the Crossfitters. And not in the good way!

So, what I'm getting from this is that world peace can be achieved by going to a beautiful beach that smells like bread.

That is an excellent campaign strategy, Burt. I'm a married, so I can't really "fish" anymore, but when you do land him, tweet me pics of him like ALL the time, yeah?

ass to mouth.