High five.

A lot of people end up with distorted views about marriage, too.

If you could come up with some FACT-facts and not "fact"-facts, I think people would be more inclined to listen. Meanwhile, I'm going to go have some sex.

MY ASS NEED SOME BEAR JEANS!!

Mongoose HAS SEEN SOME SHIT, man.

Heaven bless the mongoose simply for existing. Any animal whose sole reason for living is to rip snakes to smithereens is aces in my book.

Free speech doesn't cover the distribution of child pornography.

Let's do this, julia.

Lane Bryant made me cry once. I will never go back again. It may have just been a confluence of shitty events, but the salesperson shouted my name and size to a salesperson across the store (who then looked at her like she was from Mars), which, when you're new to the whole "plus size" shopping experience, having…

We need to

THANK YOU. I don't want fake compliments. I don't want robo compliments. I want to look nice and not like my outfit was modeled after a tablecloth draped over an elephant.

HA! Awesome.

Vermont, home of Ben & Jerry's. I'm already in love.

I've been covering all the bills and a good chunk of the housework. If you're willing to kick in some cash and do the bulk of the housework, let's get this shit on right now.

By "sleep with," I'm going to assume you mean the pets are allowed on the bed in a non-sexual sleeping configuration... And if so, I'm going to enthusiastically agree.

I'd say you can add them in. Personally, I'm lobbying for a wife. I'm the breadwinner in my marriage, and am too fucking tired to clean at the end of the day. My husband won't clean without being guilted into it.

Maybe they're afraid of it because a three-humans-and-a-dog marriage* would be THE BEST FUCKING THING EVER, and they're a bunch of joyless fucktards?

I like you. We should go to the mall together.

But life was so much better back then! We didn't have to see homosexuals on the TV, and blacks knew their place, and people didn't get the cancer, and men had giant penises and could drink all the beer they wanted and women gave them blowjobs every night!

Understood. I'll move myself to the right from now on! :)