LOL, does that make him a Nice Guy TM, or just a regular nice guy? Either way, he seems way cooler than ol' Hazey.

Did Tom and Rita keep Chet locked in a crate as a kid? What is his deal?

Amen!

You keep talking like that, and I'm going to report you.

Sure am.

And all the vomit-inducing tartness of a bottle of white vinegar!

Wat? But also, yes, me too.

Okay, but you realize that's some, not all, people, right? I'm a lifelong Diet Coke drinker and I've had type 1 diabetes for over 30 years with very few complications. The complications I do have did not come from drinking Diet Coke, I can assure you.

As a type 1 diabetic, the "insulin spikes" thing is fucking hilarious. If Diet Coke caused insulin spikes in a normal person, you know what it would do to me? Raise my blood sugar level and necessitate an insulin injection. I'd be sicker than a dog from all the Diet Coke I drink. Bad science is so bad, it often…

My lifestyle choices are finally validated, confirmation bias FTW!!

And you're a troll. Do fuck off.

Agreed. I'm a fat woman, and I know I'm the one to blame for that. My pet issues surrounding my weight are: a) it would be nice to be able to wear some clothes that are not stupid looking while I try to lead a normal life in my pursuit of being healthier; and b) don't treat me like a fucking farm animal, treat me…

And isn't it funny how their own imagined victimhood is often the very reason they're so frequently turned down? That maybe that's the least attractive quality a person could have? If I wanted to sleep with something whiny, angry, and trembling with fear at the world, I'd get a chihuahua.

She's shallow, sure, but I wouldn't call her a "gold-digger." And we all know Kanye doesn't mess with gold-diggers.

That is so fucking manipulative, and so unfair. And yet, when we don't "give the guy a chance," we're to blame for his actions. I'm glad you were able to talk your friend out of a potentially shittier situation.

No, you're totally right. Woman and fat people don't deserve to be treated like humans because they haven't EARNED IT yet. This grants men agency over their bodies, because they're too stupid to know what to do with them.

Thank you. It's unfortunate that the conversation surrounding this story has taken this direction, but I think we all knew it would. The real blame isn't just gun control, just access to mental health resources, just what society tells men about women. The fact of the matter is, a dude couldn't handle his life and…

I can't tell if you're serious or just really bad at satire.