True story, and SUPER-TMI:

Let's party.

Snortable alcohol is going to make my work day SO MUCH BETTER.

You truly have a way with bleh. Your gift of bleh is incontrovertible. Or should I say, incontrovertibleh?

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkableh

I do kinda think so, yeah.

This is why I read. I learn something new every day!

My SIL says that lab-grown heart cells will beat as well. Unless that's what you're already talking about, in which case carry on.

I wonder if scientists are working on growing penile tissue as well?

Oh dear lord, I am so sorry!

Maybe their Board of Directors is made up entirely of pregnant women and middle aged men who just don't care about living anymore?

Remember the BK Enormous Omelet Sandwich? An old boss caught a coworker eating one and told him if he died after eating it, they wouldn't honor the life insurance policy. I'm not sure which was funnier, the guy turning red in embarrassment, or my boss's commitment to his deadpan schtick. Long story short, the guy…

Long Johns exist for a reason. ;)

Little Debbie's Oatmeal Queef Pie

Well, that's just going to make it messier! That's not very clean at all! *Gasps, clutches pearls*

What were you going to say? I'm curious now.

You know it.

I'd love to do this with my little dude because he's pretty good at leash-walking outside, but he doesn't handle car rides very well.

The idiots survive by being loud and obnoxious until people start bending over backwards just to shut them up. The restaurant workers survive by being goddamned saints.