Having seen the number of hours of strength training and practice ballerinas must go through to get properly “over” their toes, I can understand their irritation.

So weird—I heard she’ll be 45 in January.

I’m an independent in Ohio......voting 100% democrat this year. Fuck these clowns.

1) Bill Clinton is not running for president

“I’ll give you a topic: One of the handsomest billionaires ever is neither handsome nor a billionaire. . . .”

Fair enough, acorn. I shall now compare his so-called appendage to a clump of old raisins that had been spilled behind a couch and fused together as they melted towards squishiness into a tiny ball mashed with lint and pet hair and carpet and other detritus and left to attract ants who will even themselves be repulsed…

It was second grade and we would get weekly progress reports that our parents had to sign every Friday and we would have to return them Monday. Every week I would get a smiley face for overall behavior and I was a little too proud of this. Until the week I was giggling at a joke during class my classmate told me in a…

Orange dirty old crocks in a White House????

“Peer pressure” LOLZ. It’s like that episode of Full House where Stephanie starts smoking . . . except it’s an AARP member bragging about sexual assault.

WTF?! Skittered?? I would pass away.

I’m honestly concerned about actual riots in the streets if and when he loses, in certain cities. And that people of color and women would be put in danger by this, because some of the deplorable whack-jobs devoted to him are downright scary. But yeah, we are stuck with this beyond 11/8.

He judges women (well everyone) on their perceived attractiveness and his insults invariably aren’t more mature or clever than calling someone “ugly” or “fat”.

Uh...Why did he think it would be a good idea to run for office?

Reading a book is usually an opt-in activity, unlike being groped against your will.

Obama is so handsome. Not just by comparison, but goddammit. It’s like putting a glass of French wine next to a half empty PBR that’s mostly backwash.

Yo, guys, George reads Jezebel! Hi, George ❤️

My favorite Tweet of the year has a similar flavour:

Don’t lump the whole list all together. There are those, such as John Kasich, who saw through Trump’s bullshit and NEVER endorsed him.

They spin it as boys being boys and that it’s just a bit of lewd language between manly men. And then I commit suicide by fire.