Unfortunately I woke up with it rather than receiving it on a school trip. What a school trip that would be!

I got a spider bite about an inch and a half up the shaft of my penis two nights ago. This is grounds to summarily execute every spider I see forever, right?

I hope I can even approach being as cool as this dad when I have kids.

I've actually only been to the one on 23rd. Have you been to Bull Run Distilling right by there? Free booze tastings!

I have a mohawk, a biker-style handlebar moustache and I'm wearing a hoodie LITERALLY RIGHT NOW. I never get a second look. I'm also white. I'm not Trayvon Martin.

WHAT THE HELL

Texas-Sized Nachos FTW.

OH MY GOD I WAS JUST THERE MONDAY

Well, I am a Portland dude, but I'd be glad to be included in the Portland bitchez.

Hey, it's an all-Portland thread! Go us!

Good thing there's no history of cops stalking women, or protecting their own at all costs.

Trimmed, nothing fancy, and please don't shave it. Prepubescence shouldn't ever give dudes a boner, and really, if your partner demands a bald downstairs, know there are a billion other guys who want to see something there, and will love you for it. Seeing you've left something, but have taken the care to not let it…

You get me. Let's be friends.

Don't bother checking out his comment history. Spoiler alert: he's a misogynist, racist fuckwit that fantasizes about big dicks.

Yeah, I know. I'm bad with the 'X'. What a fucking shitmouth.

That's OK. I highly doubt you were one anyway.

But he had pictures of pot plants and a gun on his phone! PICTURES!!! *faints*

Sounds about right. In Florida's eyes (and America's), it was just a black that got killed. Not, like, a real person.

If you bring up your black friend in an attempt to bolster your argument, then you're attaching their endorsement without their consent. But then, racists tend to love speaking for black people.