Model citizen; zero discipline.

Nope! It wasn’t put down. Instead, he had to put the dog on a muzzle as well as a leash before he took it anywhere, and he had to build a solid fence on his property to shield me from the dog’s view. My neighbor opted to send the dog to a friend’s house for a year in addition to following all the rules once the dog…

Actually, this is my worst neighbor story.

I moved to NYC with my husband to go to grad school. Our first apartment was married student housing. We moved from a 900 sq ft apartment in a much smaller city into this bizarrely dark and creepy 300 sq ft apartment, down at the bottom of one of those apartment building wells where sunlight never penetrates. It was…

I would have as well, but this cake was truly smashed. It toppled as it fell and kind of squashed itself onto the floor. My dad didn't care. I think he was immune to germs from having grown up during the 1940s.

OMG Yessss.

He really loved cake. Even floor cake. A little gritty, maybe, but he always said you gotta eat a peck of dirt before you die.

She called Poison Control so many times when I was little I think it was a reflex action, even after all those years. My nickname was "The Epicac Kid." 

Both of my best culinary disasters have involved me attempting to bake a cake for my father’s birthday. The first one happened when I was about 12 or 13, and I decided to make my dad an orange cake. After spending hours in the kitchen, I proudly produced the cake for dessert. We all dug in and pronounced it delicious.…

Beautiful and wise.

Even if he didn't call himself Dick, someone else would have started it. Probably around 7th grade or so. In fact, that's probably why he calls himself Dick - he knows he can't escape it, so he may as well embrace it.

I just can’t understand the parents in a situation like this. Couldn’t you have named him Andrew? James? Corbin? Ezra? Literally anything other than Richard would have been acceptable. I mean, I realize he’s probably Dick Pound the 3rd or something like that, but even if it’s the world’s shittiest family name that does…

Why can’t Mitch McConnell get it? And Lindsay Graham? And Trump? But mostly Mitch McConnell. He’s the one doing the most long-term damage.

I had an abortion at 20 weeks for a chromosomal abnormality and I cannot imagine having to go through it in a state that refuses to treat women like human beings. I made the decision based on conversations with my OB and a doctor who specializes in chromosomal abnormalities. They were able to give me the information I…

You need to tell this story on Jezebel's scary story post next year because that is creepy as fuck.

Best decision I ever made was to stop going anywhere for major holidays. We stay home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and everything else. I won't start traveling again for holidays until my kids have families of their own, and only whenever they invite me. Stay home from now on!! You deserve it.

Oh. My. Glob. That is completely horrifying and also amazing at the same time. And I'm glad no one was hurt! 

Thank you! This happened 7 years ago so I've had many more relaxing Thanksgivings since then. Staying home is the best.

It is the most bizarre thing, isn’t it? I would take a nap and wake up and find myself significantly thinner. It was shocking and also fascinating, like a mad-scientist science experiment. I wish I had thought to take pictures of myself!

Hah, thank you! Luckily, everything turned out just fine, although I haven’t gone anywhere for Thanksgiving since then. I figure I’ve earned my right to stay home from now on. :D