My auntie in Brazil has a house tortuga. He zooms around the apartment all day long. He's about 25 years old. Then my mom smuggled some tortugas from Brazil to SF and they are still alive. They love leftover salad. I hope those two stories help counter the balance of terrible stories.

"Then who was phone?" is a great fucking question. Who was phone?

People have mentioned this exhaustion issue and that's why I'm stock piling sleep now. I can totally do that, right?

I read it because of the pretty lingerie and I thought maybe Dita Von Teese is pregnant and I didn't know about it. But looks like I was wrong on that front.

Trust me- I am stubborn as fuck. I will sooner poof up like a puffer fish than pass gas. I am a lady. A stubborn ass lady.

In SF, our Palace swans are murdering, incestous SOBs. SFGate.com

There's a thing right now with women embracing and vocalizing body functions. And I am not on board. Trying to get pregnant over here, not expecting a walk in the park but farting?? Please, that won't be me. Unless I eat 2 million dried apricots which I won't. There's got to be a line in between the false "being…

And may he put each of us on his back and carry us, individually, to sexy. (I think I found myself a prayer.)

You know what? I would even go as far as to argue that the women using sperm banks are MORE responsible in regards to bringing a baby into this world. Just as children of gay parents are happier, so I would guess, are the children who are products of sperm banks. It's too damn hard to be as casual as children as…

When selecting donor sperm, you know what they provide you with? A list of facts about the donor. Height, weight. Occasionally schooling information. So how does one decide? Solely on choosing attributes. One attribute happens to be skin color. No shit a baby is not a fashion accessory. I can pretty much guarantee…

Bullshit. As someone who you would look at and say "Oh she's white" and be WRONG, what color child would I be allowed to have? Huh? Race has too many nuances to make these kind of blanket assumptions.

There are so many reasons that won't happen, but the main one is it's very very expensive process and a lot of effort. It'd be a whole lot easier to go to a bar and fuck a stranger.

Though, why not? If you're picking your sperm donor based on eye color, why not on skin color? That seems very limiting to decree some reasons for picking a sperm donor acceptable and others not acceptable.

Ridiculous. Next step "Oh, your income bracket is 80k-100k? Well the donor's bracket was different so you can't have this sperm. Because it's from a different socio economic background and the potential baby should really be connected to it's origin socio economic heritage."

Yeah, what's all this "super creepy" noise? So he was a little bit of a "serial killer", I forgive him.

I can't even look at him! My heart has too many palpitations, it's unsafe! There should be a warning label on this man.

I lived in Manhattan and I too rented ALLL the episodes. No AC, all windows open, all lights off, so sticky sweaty and VHS Sex in the City. Watched the tape, ran to the video store to return ASAP and got the next batch of episodes. Those were the days. The hot sticky days.

Shoot, I guess I'm not winning for my worcestshire/banana ketchup combo I entered into the contest. Which is, incidentally, my secret recipe for slow cooker ribs.

I would watch those gopro videos over and over until my head explodes. Hawks and other raptors are kind of my new favorite thing after I had this guy visit me one morning:

That's too bad. It is the coolest solution.