Sammy Sosa rubs chin, nods approvingly.

1. You have kids.

To be fair, Kirby is sooooo boring.

Somewhere, Chris Elliott just got a whiff of his big comeback roll.

He may have a point. It’s the adults at Baylor that are uniformly awful.

Also: Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali, Wayne Gretzky, Babe Ruth, Joe Montana, Tiger Woods and Jim Brown. Oh, and fucking Pele. Goddamn those guys were slackers.

Goddammit. I was told there would be dental jokes.

Hey, I’m not too late with this, am I — oh, yes I am.

Oh, this is gonna be fun!

Totally agree. My biggest fear, as a lifelong Cubs fan who still has the game program from his first game at Wrigley in 1977, the one with Ernie Banks on the cover and an 8-year-old’s scrawl on the inside, is that the Cubs finally do win but then every single one of their fans becomes/finishes becoming the biggest…

In fairness, he seems pretty good at picking last year’s winner.

/Select all

Goddammit I think I like how goofy these guys are together.

Admittedly, you might have to be of a certain age to immediately appreciate this one. But I was floored when I not long ago met “Jack” and “Ruby.”

I dunno, wasn’t the crowd at Roland Garros just roaring for him yesterday? Or was that just the French cheering against a Brit?

Agreed — hard to root for any team whose management is so egregiously insulting to its customers.

Death, taxes and Team USA’s uniforms are always ass.

Also, they lost three other games. No whining about a no-call in the fourth.

STOP PICKING ON BERNIE! He does grumpy old columnist better than anybody on the Internet!