OMG THE MICROWAVE!!! Makes ME want to leave you!

“I’m Robbie Findley, and I approve this message.”

But it’s golf, so who gives a shit?

So, just to be clear, here at Deadspin you should tuck in your shirt. But pull up your pants? RACIST.

And they would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for those kids!

Jesus, there are TEN?! What the hell has happened to Hollywood?

Turns out, there ARE stupid questions. To the gallows!

Nah. I say eliminate offside altogether. You wanna cherry-pick? Hey, it’s your risk at the other end ...

“Hey, sit next to the owner.”

Call us when it matters.

RULES FOR LIVING (Men’s Division)

Goddammit! I thought I was the only one still with an AOL email address!

I got one o’ those. Sister-in-law, instead of making actual toast to my new wife and I at the reception, used her time with the microphone to ramble her way into asking her husband to renew their vows. It remains the single most-remembered moment of our wedding, and you will not be at all surprised to know how hard it…

“We are not going to move the Qatar World Cup, or else all of those slaves will have died in vain.”

To be fair, that baby was *really* mouthin’ off.

Solid list. Think now I’m gonna finish work, go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk, and go to bed.

Damn, SEVEN GAMES, and they don’t even have video from the elevator?!

Oh, God. I think I just came. That was spectacular.

You are correct. Appealing to young readers is not the problem. Being a shitty writer is the problem.

The 4,894th gray hair on Hunter’s old, deceased balls > Simmons.