The cutest butt.

I would never, ever take my cat outside in New York City in anything other than a carrier. I am getting anxiety just looking at these pictures.

Eh, pestering for period sex might get tiresome, but I'd take that over a manbaby cringing at the mere thought of blood and insisting on unreciprocated blowjobs for a week any day of the month.

This guy didn't even give me THIRTEEN MINUTES to respond to his message:

I love REAL roses (can't get the effing accent to work, sorry) and detest white zin with a burning passion but it's just because I hate zin. That's okay, though, I won't judge you. I fucking hate people who judge blushes. I love dry reds but they don't go with everything. They also don't make me feel great on a…

I'm guessing you're a Coaster. Because in Omaha, Nebraska, you can count the number of affordable Italian places on one hand, and maybe one of them make food that's any better than Olive Garden, and it's much farther away for most people. So yeah, in New York or Chicago you could probably get that. But in the rest…

I feel like Jezebel just did a shitty job of covering this situation. Most schools ban midriff-baring tops. But a quick Google search reveals that other banned items include sweatpants, skinny jeans, leggings, hoodies, and headbands. I'm 27, and I own one pair of jeans that AREN'T skinny. I just bought a pair of…

I don't have to do a double take on their uniforms because green is not a shade human skin comes in. Seriously, change the crotch area from green to a flesh toned and it'd be just as ridiculous as the women's outfits above.

BRILLIANT. That image is pure brilliance. Every sponsor has to get the DV meme treatment. Money is the only organ where the NFL and its sponsors feel pain.

Why do women people do things like this?

If a women in office behaved like Sanford did, she'd be run out of town. Because too "emotional", "hormonal", "unstable" and "untrustworthy". Amazing the kind of perma-waiver men get 24/7. And, btw, his behavior IN NO WAY reflects badly upon any or all men. Because bullshit hashtag not all men.

Endometriosis is a scary fucking thing, ya'll. But since it hasn't killed me yet (despite almost making me pass out while driving once), it can also be hilarious. My doctor suspects that I have rogue endometrial tissue in my colon. Before I used the Pill, that tissue would flare up during my period and usher forth the…

Ohhh, this is my whole area. My friends and I have regular conversations about people we know shitting themselves, as we all agree it is one of the most hilarious things in the world.

I've posted this on Jezebel before but it fits so well here too.

mr. foxington brownworthy iii, jarl of dogsboro, came from a hoarder. for the first four months we had him, he was nearly catatonic anytime someone was around. he would not go anywhere on a leash, he would not leave his crate when you were awake but rather waited til we went to bed to find his food bowl, and so on.…

I'm sure I have a boatload of these stories because I've had issues with my tract for years: shitting water, horrible intestinal inflammation, rabbit poops, feathery craps, and everything in between— even the weird peanut butter kind that's the color of raw peanuts.

I used to work in a dental office, and we had a bunch of elderly patients. One day we were waiting on a 75 year old man who was late for his appointment. Our office had a window that looked out onto the street where there was patient parking, so we saw him just sitting in his car. About 5 minutes go by, and he comes…

I went to school and became a vegetarian, but when I went back home to visit I had a bit of meat. For those of you not in the know... DO NOT SNEAK A VEGETARIAN MEAT. This is very cruel in more ways than one.

I went to visit a guy friend, and one thing led to another... I decided to spend the night. We hadn't fooled…

I was very, very pregnant with my first child. We went out to visit my parents, who are allegedly animal people, so we brought our two dogs (one 35 lbs, one 45 lbs). We'd brought their kennel to put them in when we went out to calm my parents' concerns (they have a lot of cats), and as we were heading out to run an…

One time a guy I was seeing confessed to me in one fell swoop (through g-chat!) that he had a girlfriend, she was pregnant, they were getting married and oh... they also had chlamydia. And it was likely that I, too, had chlamydia.