We never really have a specific cake on Christmas... If we do have cake, I suppose we'd do pound cake but that's mostly because we like it and don't make it much otherwise; I don't associate it with the holiday. I would say Christmas cookies for sure (sugar cookies, gingerbread; cut into Christmas-themed shapes), and…

Way to bury the lede, right?? It's OUTRAGEOUS!

Crying real tears at this. :|

Accidentally gets a little pee on the toilet seat.

I'm really terrible at having the presence of mind to say these things in the moment, but maybe you should spend time beforehand practicing to make it, "I know, fuckface." ("I know, numb nuts"? "I know, dum-dum"? You've got options here.) so you can be ready in the moment. Or maybe just a simple "yes" paired with a…

I would venture to guess that your username has never been more appropriate than it is right now...

My cat is like that, too! Wouldn't go near the fresh bowl by her food dish ever, to the point of having urinary tract problems, but will happily drink from a glass on the coffee table. So now there's just always a glass (and a puddle—she's so messy!) of water on the table. For the cat.

Funny you mentioned this since I was just thumbing through the racks at TJ Maxx earlier tonight and was totally befuddled to find 90% of the D cup bras with thick padding. W T F.

Man, I'd like to live in a post-ironic manor. Either that or an earnest bungalow.

Oh my god, it is horrble—horrible—that someone forced you to read this entire thing against your will! I am so, so sorry. Do you have an attorney you can consult? Because I'm pretty sure this post is in violation of that recently passed amendment to the Constitution stating that all articles that may not be of…

Academy Award-winning thespian Cuba Gooding Jr!

Oh, I definitely had a glossy 8x10 of Newsies-era Christian Bale that I requested as my free gift for subscribing to Bop magazine hanging on my bedroom wall. He was my movie star boyfriend for many years! Though unfortunately (?), I haven't found his older, less impish adult self to be quite as attractive, and I do…

That totally happens to me all the time, and I always think that! Then I'm just in a panic, like, come on, bladder, come on, prove to them that I wasn't trying to poo!!!!!

I love those. They make all kinds of different white noise-y or music-ish sounding ones, too, and you can get a keychain that does the same thing for no-awesome bathrooms. I have a really shy bladder (never mind the pooping!), so having some kind of noise on call was a godsend in multi-stall bathrooms!

I also remember it being really brown the first time and how that was so not what I had been picturing! Judy Blume had not prepared me adequately at all.

I can't remember either. I know I was at least in 7th grade because we moved into a new house that year, but beyond that... The most memorable part of the whole experience was that when my mom brought home a thing of pads for me, she also gave me a bag of Werther's Originals. Because of course?

Tell your bosses to bring back Aromacreme deodorant! I was totally devastated when I went in to stock up a few years ago and found out it was gone forever. If only I could have known beforehand! I would have hoarded that shit!

Me three! I first drank it on a dare, but then it became my secret love...

Seriously. At least a deep-cleaned bathroom will STAY CLEAN for a few days; with dishes, you get done and then you make one little meal and it's like, holy fuck, I'm back to square one! >:(

Oh, snap!