He wants to spend more time with his family, especially his mom amirite

Ooof.

I hope his motor is okay!

Frat bros worried that athletes may rape a woman. That's fucking rich.

Well, good. The only way colleges are going to do anything about this repulsive shit is if it starts affecting their bottom line. A major recruit leaving is a drop in the bucket, but I'm sure this is setting off alarm bells everywhere. I'm sure recruiting and admissions departments across the nation are preparing…

In all likelihood, Tim Kawakami intercepted the package.

You must be mistaken. The only thing a Stanford man habitually beats is Cal.

I pledged SAE in college b/c after just playing sports in high school I had no fucking clue about life. I was drawn to their True Gentleman creed and thought "Man, that's how I try to act so I'll join these guys."

Too many bumps and you'll find yourself out of the league. Just ask Lamar Odom.

Oh, NOW they agree to go with Lynch on the one!

"But we do have some employees living in the parking lot."

Flight Attendant: Emergency workers on the way, and we are working on a way to allow you to safely leave the plane. Please let women and children exit the plane first, and then-

Hasn't it already been made abundantly clear how much St. Louis hates chocolate sprinkles?

Favre: Where'd you shave?

Bigots need to stop blaming their bullshit on Jesus. He said nothing about the gay, and if this was really about the Bible they'd also be screaming for the death penalty for working on Saturdays and banning women from speaking in church and a host of other absolutely abhorrent shit.

I disagree with the Mets lifestyle.

Fuck that. Put him on a team with some class.

Come to Seattle please

With hard-hitting, critical inquiries such as these, I'm appalled that these lofty-nosed professional athletes appear to openly despise American sports media.

I can't stand Schilling, but he's right on this one.