Some lucky 18-year-old girl will have the privilege tonight.

Glad to hear Goodell is getting the Gary Bettman Treatment (TM).

Worst play call in NFL history?

Run. The. Goddamn. Ball. From. The. 1.

So sad. He doesn't have the footballs at the pressure he likes.

It kind of says it all that the Commissioner of the sport that's holding it's championship game- one watched by millions of people- won't d0 an interview before the game.

As if the NFL didn't pre approve all of the jokes and script.

SNL has been dying the last few years and by years I mean decades.

jay pharoah is brilliant and the blizzard stuff was a'ight, but the only time i laughed was at the pete carroll intro, "if there was ever a human dude who magically switched places with a happy-ass shaggy dog...."

He's doing research. HOOKER POOP STORIES.

He was not lying, however, when he said, "I'm a shit-eating bureaucrat who's never had to confront the real-life problems I'm so appallingly trying to grapple with through strained attempts at empathy and discipline."

45. [Privately, to Peter King] "I won't come in your mouth."

I don't blame the guy one bit for his standoff with the media. Sports reporters are fucking morons.

Sometimes, when the atmospheric conditions in Arizona are just right, the fire alarm levers pull themselves.

Funny, Alan Faneca just tweeted that this happens to visiting teams so frequently in New England that the players just ignore the fire alarms and go back to sleep.

Wickad fast pissah.

90 seconds in a bathroom hasn't caused this much trouble since Rothlisberger.

INTERESTING THEORY

"without one piece of evidence."

I know all of the stories about Robert Kraft's admirable charity work, but it's clear that to the rest of the world that the culture of asshole-dom that is the New England Patriots starts at the top.