Worse yet, the prosecutors are now actually going to start following up on crimes football players are accused of.

"Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Chip Kelly pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious."

I won't hold my breath. Nobody's Jed Yorkier than Jed York.

"It took 239 years, but we finally have colonies again in America, m'lord."

"Uh, coach, we meant it like 'No means no... Way we were going to let that winning streak continue.'"

What do Penn State fans love to complain about?

Those who take "Why Your Team Sucks" seriously are the same clods who think the "Stephen Colbert" character was a real conservative.

Because no Griffey screen grabber thread is complete without this.

Putting Simmons together with that link just makes me very thankful Bill has never written about his balls.

Gregggggggg's such a jackass. The only column I hate-read.

No Rovell?

Jed York's San Francisco 49ers: We make the Falcons job look good.

If you told me Art Shell was on the short list, I'd believe you. That's how insane the Raiders have become.

He's right! The Navajo President that Snyder paid off and had sit like a prop in the luxury box at Arizona no issues with the team nickname whatsoever.

Somewhere in Snyderville, interns are sifting through transcripts of media sources Danny bought off to prove that use of the nickname is higher than ever.

Hi, 49ers PR intern!

Crazy Uncle Eddie was the only guy who ever had a clue what he was doing with that team. The Yorks are utter morons.

But as the QB of the future and leader of that team, would it kill Johnny Footbaw to put in some face time with his teammates?

he sure howdily doodily did! Egads! Thank goodness Maude wasn't around to see it; she'd have clutched her pearls and fainted!

Isn't it great how some days the NFL is run by Ned Flanders, and other days, Chief Wiggum?