This story makes no sense for so many different reasons, but for the record, I’m totally cool with peeing nearly anywhere. I personally pee in my bathroom’s second sink. Every time. Wake up in the middle of the night with a boner: pee in the sink. Easier to aim, obviously. Wake up in the middle of the night without a…

This would have got him a raise if he worked at R. Kelly University.

“The Athletic Director recounted a story where she herself urinated in her pants in an airport while on Drake business and told me I should have done the same thing,”

“The action is frenetic...back and forth... and it ends in.. a draw!!”

“Wait, I was just joking when I said I’d rather watch paint dry than soccer!”

God I’m gonna miss Barry O

My buddy Kyle, his dad was a judge, and we were playing touch football in the street when we were six or seven, maybe ten, and my other friend Mike was quarterback and he was like “Go deep, way deep” and Kyle ran for, I dunno, had to be seven or eight seconds, just forever,and I was covering him and by then we were…

I don’t care what the FDA says, the proper serving size for ice cream is and always will be a pint and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

All things considered, the event looks like it was a huge success. Nothing is better for career development than not working for the Browns.

Paying $100 to not get a job with the Browns seems totally worth it.

This is smart. Why wait until the next draft to sign a QB?

Call me crazy but I’m thinking it’s going to end up with a wild card berth and a boring as fuck playoffs loss that leaves us questioning both Andy Reid’s coaching and Alex Smith’s competence.

I thought Deadspin would be excited about the decision. Finally an American sports team is going to reuse an old Arena.

I thought we all agreed to no more Arenas with public funding.

Ladies and gents, your de facto First Lady.

This is like one of those “What if” scenarios where some regular guy gets his wish to line up as a linebacker to stuff a run at the goal line. “Ooo, look at me! I’m just like Clay Matthews!” Then reality sets in and said regular schmuck gets tossed aside like a sack of moldy tangerines.

Perrin: “Hey Tom, wanna talk numbers?”

The last time KU beat Texas in Football:

Have you tried explaining how you’d bring their jobs back? That’s apparently all these people want.
That and open, honest discussion.
Right? Right???
*Cries blood*

Man, people sure have a strange way of expressing their economic insecurity.