Of course he got the big heavy massage chairs from Brookstone- I think they’re the D Series Massage Collection. If he was smarter, he’d have gotten the smaller, lighter, but superior E-Series. I think we all know, though, that Flacco would never buy the E lite.

I profusely apologize. As is now the standard of punishment for posting facts in Trump’s America I will self-flagellate myself 10 times and swear I won’t enjoy it.

“Not so tough when you’re outside your cars, are ya?”

Future news:
Cleveland browns sign Deer from Facebook video to play middle line backer.

Oh, dear. No... I mean dear. No! I mean DEAR!!! Ah, forget it. I hate my phone.

I guess that also explains why Drake and Steph are about half as freaked out as Chappelle.

Guys, this has been a huge misunderstanding. Phil doesn’t approve of LeBron’s circle of friends, but that’s just because it’s not a triangle.

But he did try to wrestle and Conor stuffed 2 or 3 take down attempts. Either he brought really weak shit to the table or Conor has been working on his defensive wrestling game a whole hell of a lot since Chad Mendez kept him on the floor in the first round of their fight.

“Go left and mostly wrestle”

The older I get the more I’m convinced that “everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth” is the truest and most perfect philosophical statement ever uttered.

To sum up our plan in a sentence it was “Go left ...” instead I circled into his left hand... for sure death sentence and the result was fitting.

So you’re raising them to be Bills’ fans...

Look at John D. Rockefeller over here bragging about his bottles.

Awesome.

Here’s an excerpt from the script:

Brady vs. Goodell. Trump vs. Clinton. And now Collinsworth vs. Simmons. This is just the year of Who Can I Hate More, isn’t it?

No matter what their record ends up being, I vote we all refer to them as the 7-9 Rams for the rest of Fisher’s tenure.

Ashley, I know you probably take a lot of shit over your work here, so I wanted to tell you I have started to deliberately check Deadspin when something like this breaks, knowing that your article will both appropriately reinforce my horror and commiserate with it. You’re great. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise…

So is his formal title White Chief White House Strategist, or Chief White White House Strategist?

Jay being Jay, 2 INT’s and a fumble.