Well look at the man with the golden fuckin’ sphincter over here guys.

The lowest hanging fruit are always the sweetest.

Well that was a shitty column.

The most important thing to do is trade in all of your 50s and 100s for single dollar bills, as that will provide you more kindling once we’re all displaced by the Great War.

Live look at Trump supporters trying to imagine how any of this benefits them:

Might not be the best place to ask this, but does anyone know how fast martial law goes into effect? I live in Chicago and am considering packing a go bag.

I am a pretty big fan of the mafia execution. You have a nice Italian dinner with your pals who insist you have the spumoni. Lots of wine, laughs, maybe a cigar and finally a nice tipple of fernet-branca. You get to ride in the front seat of the latest Cadillac (for once!) as you ride to Jersey to go seen “da guy”…

Dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you

Here’s a preview of Detroit’s new jerseys.

Somewhat unrelated question: can some Boston fan explain to me why the Celtics wear these drab gray jerseys?

You guys got owned by Ted Cruz

Of god, I just welled up a little bit at the thought of the Bulls being able to offload Rondo onto these pricks.

He wants more help, which they can’t get since he strong-armed them into giving Tristan Thompson all of the money for all of the years.

For someone who killed the spirit of St. Louis in Super Bowl XXXVI, Brady’s a regular Lindbergh.

gotta save space for Pepe

I see no evidence of a tailor at all, sir.

Recc’d purely for the Deep Impact reference

And Sean Spicer opened questions from the press by selecting reporters from from the NY Post and Christian Broadcasting Network like Morgan Freeman guaranteeing Tea Leone the first question in Deep Impact.

This biggest liar in all of this is the tailor who told Spicer that’s how suit jackets are supposed to fit.

when u think about it everythin gis fraudulent........what if im dreaming right now. what if pigpoopballs.jpg ceases to exist when i wake up