It would make Redick a lot worse too and wouldn’t help the Knicks at all. Where’s Redick going to get all those looks when the offense is running through the corpse of Derrick Rose?

I bet not even one person here will use one game to form a broad theory about a team that’s been beating everyone’s ass pretty much all season. Because that would be irrational, and no one on the Internet is irrational.

My wife and I met on a blind date at Nisei. One of very few Wrigleyville bars worth going to.

Six? The Roger Goodell punishment generator gave me 10, and I softballed my answers.

Holy fuck.

But the closeted gay congressmen would probably call them bitches in a semi-affectionate Drag Race way, and that doesn’t seem to be what’s happening here. So I think we can rule them out.

I just had to check Wikipedia. I’ve never heard of any of the “notable winners,” so I guess they never found a star. But a lot of super famous people have shown up and lost. Beyonce showed up and lost, and she’s as big a star as there is.

What if I had a bowl full of cops and only three would kill me? Because white people keep telling me I should like my odds.

Starred because that’s way too much research to put into a Deadspin comment, and I commend you.

1. I can’t speak to the reliability of Radio Free Asia.

First I thought they were talking about the band. And I was sad, because they’re good. (Even though I didn’t think they were still around).

I’d heard most of this before, but Dateline really did it for me.

That’s what I loved about Japanese Ninja Warrior. Especially in the first stage, it wasn’t about what obstacles the players had overcome to get there. The same few guys beat the first stage every time, and everyone else was there to be laughed at. Some of them wore ridiculous costumes. There was one muscular woman who…

If only he were making a more exorbitant salary, he could have afforded an Uber.

Okay, I rushed through the article to get to the takes, and they’re not half as nuclear as I needed them to be. Even the assholes are stating semi-coherent reasons for being assholes. Kinja, you have let me down today.

I hate you almost as much as I hate myself for making me watch that for so long before I realized nothing else was going to happen.

I didn’t know they used fake guns too. Colt single action army or GTFO.

Hold on. The modern pentathlon competitors get a break to put on special outfits for each event? That’s bullshit. Swim in clothes, get out of the water and onto a horse. Shoot from the horse’s back and jump off for a sword fight. Go for a run and have another sword fight. Do it all in soggy trousers. A 19th century…

Still my favorite episode of Breaking Bad.

This assumes you could muster enough speed to do real damage in either event, though. I don’t know about you, but my top speed is low enough that I could probably survive by merit of my own feebleness.