I once had a drunk young lady at a Bills tailgate say to me, in the most Buffalo accent imaginable, “dere’s only two good things the CANADIANS have ever given us - HAHCKEY, AN’ NICKELBAHCK.”

What would happen if you took the World Cup Of Hockey format (which seems pretty fun!) and apply it to basketball as the new best-on-best international tournament? Say you had Team USA, Team USA 23 & Under, and 6 top countries/regions of your choosing. Even after you split up the young guns from the main team, Team…

If your mom chose to re-marry a current NFL quarterback, which one would you most want as a stepdad?

What’s the story of your first kiss? Who was it, how old were you, was the kiss any good? (No joke-answers either, this is the Friday Afternoon Earnest Story Zone.)

Jesus may have had a high WHIP, but the whole stat book’s full of individual achievements. Noah could collect doubles, the Prodigal Son could get home, Eve could steal.

I dunno if I believe LeBron when he says he’ll compete at the 2020 Tokyo games - what if there are conflicts between the basketball scheduling and the diving?

Follow-up to think about: do you think Donald Trump’s bare-ass hog displayed on the frontpage of Deadspin dot com would affect his poll numbers at all? Every person in America would click on the article out of morbid curiosity, but after they saw it, I don’t think anyone already voting for Trump would be turned off by…

If you get an inbox tip that says “I’ve got the dick pic of a famous person”, who are you MOST hoping that person is, in terms of how gigantic the story would be? Like, in terms of clicks, who has the Holy Grail of dong shots?

I hope they’re keeping all of the Deadspin-related verticals. This guy may not be a fan of the Deadspin homepage anymore, but at least he can still come on the Concourse.

What’s a piece of clothing/accessory/everyday personal product that you’ll always be a cheapskate and buy the shittiest knockoff version, rather than pay more for a higher-quality brandname?

You enter the Olympic games, with the stipulation that all of your opponents have to drink 10 shots of tequila before the event. Is there any event where you think you could reach the podium against your completely-shitfaced opponents?

PETE ROSE: “First Deadspin says I can eat shit, now they say I don’t eat shit? Wow! What’re the odds of them putting out another column about how I do eat shit by Friday?”

What’s a Chopped basket of 3 theme ingredients where you think you’d have the best chance of beating Drew?

Yeah - before you just start buying Rogaine as a preventive measure, I’d read the fine print carefully. Rogaine (minoxidil) only regrows hair in something like 40% of men, and results can take up to a year to show up, so that’s a lot of rigorous twice-daily applications just to find out something doesn’t work for…

Each team in the SNES version had a different “theme” for the stand-in names for the real MLB players - the Tigers roster is made up of Motown singers, the Orioles are all John Waters characters, etc. Wikipedia has the list.

Is he accused of embezzling, deliberately hurting people, sexually harassing people?

“Seriously? Seriously? I get that you’re frustrated and don’t want to follow them anymore, but why don’t you act like a big man and just block them?”

Naturally, the star of House Of Cards would gravitate to a franchise that has one good season for every three shitty seasons.

Yeah, well, this quote is about how much he probably hates Toronto because he was trapped in a snowstorm: