SENATORS: [Sign a guy nicknamed "Hamburglar"]

OK, total tangent - so I took a look at Takashi Kurihara, and after seeing that he played for a team called "IBM Big Blue" in the Japanese X-League (formerly the Japanese American Football League, until 1997 when they changed the name to "X League", because 1997 was X-treme), I looked up other teams in the league.…

Hey Leslie, dope work on the weed article, bud. High praise. And other weed puns.

you hiring?

Look, you want me to believe a rumour based on two elements as far-fetched as "Joffrey Lupul scoring", and "Elisha Cuthbert having a role in something in 2015"?

Unfortunately for UW enrollment, a life of living in a van while eating cheese is actually the ideal dream of 90% of Milwaukee residents.

I think a caveat is necessary for the "travel with a joint" bit. If you want my advice, don't actually travel - like, on a plane - with a joint.

e:f;b

There, there has been more fighting with police, more vandalism, and more general insanity.

BUCCANEERS PR REP: We'd like to announce that we're officially cutting our ties with Mr. Sapp. His actions are completely at odds with the values we share as a franchise. Rest assured that if you come to a Buccaneers game, you can pay $600 to watch a D doing the sucking, and then you do get fucked.

Great. Now the 49er's Social Media Director and their Offensive Line Coach are both going to have presentations in training camp called "For God's Sake, Can't You Just Block Them"

Ultimately, Tortorella brought a reform-minded coaching style to the Canucks, but he couldn't ever get Daniel Sedin and Ryan Kesler to work together and buy into his system.

ANNOUNCERS: We take you now to the par-4 tenth hole, where we've been witnessing an ugly scene.

I'm sorry but your meme is incorrect. Here is a correct meme. Basketball players are tougher. That's what the true meme says.

sorry basketball players are tougher than hockey players, all the top memes agree

SMH, more proof that these hockey players are soft compared to basketball players...

Oh, Kaner's on the bench, have you seen him yet
But their coach looks so spaced out,
B-b-b-Byfuglien and the Jets

Oh dress codes are weird and they're wonderful
Oh Byfuglien he's really mean
He's got electric moves
A wet track suit
You know this locker room's an ugly sceeeeeene, ohhh
B-b-b-Byfuglien and the Jets

It turns out was badly misreading the Condo Developer's Guide To Successful Gentrification when he read that first line, "Take a dump in Brooklyn."

> These rappers are like the Biblical story of Samson