“Lumos!”

I’d say congratulations are in order. He finally kept one of his promises! Only took him two years in office but he finally did it!

The swine who trashed that bathroom, like the swine who went into a California park and cut down Joshua trees, are Trump-lovers, doing what Trump-lovers do, ruining their country out of spite.

I know the government shutdown is completely the orange-in-chief’s own creation, and that a lot of the issues with regards to sanitation and upkeep could be mitigated if they’d just closed the places instead of allowing access without maintenance and security oversight, but...

Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, how about people…

I find it pretty hypocritical that this site is is condemning him for wanting to ‘round up and nuke the grays’, which is a pretty common sentiment here that I think a lot of people support.

I’m gonna leave this here:

“Hand of Dog” as it’s known in Argentina

Yes, Chris. We all know that guy. But looking objectively, the guy is a marginal NFL quarterback under the best circumstances. Yeah, sure, he had some success and even pulled off some heroics in the playoffs, when it counts the most. But he comes with so much baggage - the kneeling, the outsized media attention, the…

I know, my joke was Luke warm at best. I'll try to Leia off.

They’ll sell like Hoth cakes.

One clip on YouTube and the opening stumbles

When evaluating any potential player suspension, the first question to be answered is: “Does it in any way manage to fuck over the Pittsburgh Penguins and their absolutely horrible fanbase?”

If the answer is “yes,” throw the book at him. 

in fairness, a hand injury ended that guy’s career

considering he worked in sports radio, prison is a far far better thing for Carton to do than he’s ever done

get a lot of phone calls from people who are dying to come and play here

He looks like the star of a Barry Bonds porn parody.

Sure, Winston may be a piece of shit person and a sexual assaulter, but to his credit, he's also really bad at professional football 

Yeah but that only gets you to 3rd base

Damn, that's dedication. I would've just given him a handjob.

I won’t be happy until this guy is behind uneven bars