"Ohio State beat the nation's top two teams."

Don't you mean "Ohio State beat the nation's second and third best teams"?

I have to sadly admit that I clicked this link because I've had a similar thing happen (at much much much lower speeds, resulting in a scraped hand, not a hospital trip). It's really really hard to catch your balance when this happens to you. You don't think to try to hit the ground running, which is your only hope.…

"oooh, wouldn't it be cool if the del sol was MR like it looks like it's supposed to be?"

-Me

The officer was rushed to Lutheran Trauma Center with a police escort and chopper overhead.

This is an elegant and accurate statement

Counterpoint: Isn't it less of an imposition for Jalopnik to put results anywhere other than the headline than it is for me to avoid reading my favorite blog all weekend?

I, too, have the self-control you talk about - but don't seem to enjoy using it as much as you do...

This article is pretty much the argument I laid out during the 2012 Olympics, when I was on a business trip in NY, was sick, and had nothing better to do during the day than sit and live-tweet the Olympics. Some people were thoroughly amused, but I had a lot of people tell me that they were blocking me until the…

This should be the only comment on this article

Also, fine ass-journalism.

This is some fine-ass journalism, sir.

Totally missed that! Thanks for the heads up

Way to bury the lede - HOLY CRAP IS THAT A ROLL BAR?

The Bible.

(or maybe just a passionate facebook discussion of this article with some of your candy-corn-hating minions)

The tootsie roll is your penis. I will put sand in your penis. You are now thinking about the feeling of sand in your urethra

I'll put sand in your tootsie roll if you don't shut the fuck up about the chocolatey salvation of the fall season

S'MORES CANDY CORN IS THE TITS THIS IS A STORY ABOUT HOW YOU FOUND ENLIGHTENMENT

"Albert Burneko's sole purpose in life is to be really really right about gourmet food and really really wrong about cheap food."

Johnny Hekker is just the best

I can confirm that this happened, and that those conclusions are so true.

+1 subtle