This book's protagonist immediately starts off getting severely burned. The descriptions he gave regarding how those types of deep, full-body burns are cared for will stick with me for life.

Wasn't it you who was told something huge was gonna happen soon in your love life during a recent palm reading in Salem? MAYBE THIS IS IT.

Absolutely! I've seen it a handful of times and cry every time. Enjoy!

DERP. I mentioned that because I'm sure they're an example of her powerful enemies.

Have you ever seen the documentary Maxed Out? It came out in 2006, and she's in it! It was my first introduction to her, and she's just so impressive in it!

This was my first time hearing that song, I think, so I didn't lose my composure until I read his message updating us on his son.

I feel dirty, because:

Mike Birbiglia is from the same tiny town as me! I never thought anyone would put us on the map, so yay!

God, so much this.

Completely agree! My mother had to take this insane test to even qualify to carry mail. I remember my eyes glazing over within moments of looking at her study materials.

Oh man, I can imagine his mom's face when someone points out how unfortunate her statement was. Maybe Cannibal Cop [Suck it, Valle!] was all Tony Danza (MAAAA!) when he heard what she said. That's how I'm envisioning it, anyway.

I love you for this.

This is awesome!

I just love that he's married to Megan Mullally. She was talking about their marriage recently on Wendy Williams and it was SO SWEET. Of course he's also a crazy romantic!

You care enough to let me know you don't care? Got it. Goodbye again!

I am a horrible person, because, even with everything I know that he's done, hating Bill Cosby does not come naturally to me.

My first Dismiss! I've officially arrived!

Gosh, I hope you're right.

God, you always have the BEST comebacks. I have nothing else to add; you're just so effortlessly cool and I'm sick of not telling you!

Oh, Demi. I love you so much already; you can dial back your awesomeness any time, girl!