I get that, and I figured the same thing, but also, like...make a phone call. Explain the reasons. Don’t make a list of demands in a formal, creepy email. Just be like “Aunt Ellen, I get it, you love buying the kid stuff, because its adorable, and he is adorable. We live in a two bedroom apartment though, so could you…

I just want to know what an indirect aunt/uncle is.

I’m pretty sure 75% of my shirts as a youngin’ had my name on them. And I don’t have a terribly common name, so they were all hand puffy-painted by my parents. I lived to tell the tale.

You guys, she didn’t mean it that way, so leave her alone!!!! Go take some Midol and stop being such hysterical shrews.

As a man, I feel I need to say the following:

What, you just follow a doctor around for awhile and through osmosis you become a doctor? What’s so hard about that?

Yeah, Farrah, I'm glad you're settings your sights higher than porn but I don't think you understand how becoming a doctor works.

I get pedicures with my daughter (6 now) it's fun, and we get to sit and talk and hang out together. She's well behaved, and I usually tip $5 on her $15 service. It's our girl day once every few months.

Yes, yes, yes! I've said elsewhere: the tech didn't only do 80% of her job because you got 20% off the price by the salon owner.

Cereal and milk. Comes out perfect every time.

To clarify, this is a reference to Maeby Funke: Film Executive, not a proposal to Creepy Florida Teen.

I really like you, Mark. But I have a red pencil here that is just dying to correct all these typos.

I quit cold turkey from a pack a day almost twenty years ago. You can do it! What helped me was having hard candy around, and something to do with my hands.

Hope you feel better! I love The Mindy Project.

I'm quitting smoking, for many different reasons, and I feel like my skin is going to peel off. It's one of my only pleasures in this life. Gahhhh...the weekends are gonna be the worst.

speaking of Kit Harrington, I just turned on Pompeii. It's an oustandingly bad film, but when he walked on in his first scene, for the first time in my life I actually made an "unf" sound.

It's actually really wonderful, especially the first time. They de-mystify so much of the shit you worry about when it comes to your body. There is nothing scary or weird about it; promise.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

I've got what one could call "Walmart Chili"... one can each of kidney beans, corn, black beans, crushed tomatoes, chopped tomatoes, finely chopped veggies (green onions, a yellow onion, celery, red pepper, green pepper and zucchini), and a 1lb pack of ground beef.