Don't worry! Just like Luke, it will be right there waiting for you, always, even while you're wasting time with other stuff that isn't as wonderful and doesn't wear backwards baseball caps.

I wear a tuxedo when I fly, but only on flights after 6pm.

I think the happy couple should only be able to keep any gifts if they can correctly name the person giving them and the relationship between themselves and the gift giver.

I prefer my hairbrush flask, I use it and I don't care how I look in my selfies.

I initially read the headline as "Disney World Princess Does MMA" and thought to myself, "That's badass..."

I heard the title and thought it was a show where a group of friends stage an intervention to let their friend know his girlfriend sucks. I was like, 'They should do boyfriend interventions too, but I'd watch the hell out of that show!'

Oh god I hope not. Watching the flight path on the seat back screen is the ONLY thing that keeps the plane in the air when I travel, I'm sure of it.

I lost my virginity to your cover of Papa Don't Preach.

ETA: Oh shit, you asked for a joke. I got nothing.

I feel compelled to tell you that I've been there, and that I LOVE YOU USERNAME!!!! It put a smile on my face. I'm sitting here smiling because of the username Ginger and the Snaps. That is all.

trying to drunkenly navigate/ search via area code within the AT&T call records from a tiny iPhone screen is probably not one of prouder moments...

I went through something similar, but I finally got fed up and said to him, "so is this done or what? Because I've got a date this weekend." It felt awesome and it was true!

I tried to date that guy, too! The night before he moved away I ran into him and dragged him back to my place. I pointed out that I had been trying to set up a date with him for months and he kept flaking out on weekends (we had classes together) and he was somehow shocked to realize that we could have been boning all…

Same thing happened to me! The worst part was the date was supposed to be right before I left for a two week trip, and this was a guy I had been seeing for months so I didn't expect it at all. Came home from said trip, heard nothing from him, drunkenly texted him a while later & the next day he texted me back & tried…

The Lyin', the Witch, and the Wardrobe

My mom also calls to ask me if I brushed my teeth or not. That used to drive me nuts but now it's a source of overwhelming joy to talk to her about that. "Yes, this morning. Yes, I'll do it again tonight before bed. Yes, floss too. OK."

How about we take up a collection for a trap-neuter-return program at that Walmart? We could probably also do something about the feral cat population while we were at it.

Unless Walmart employees themselves are actually doing the killing (which I wouldn't out past them, necessarily), they're not being killed. No private vet or shelter is gonna be like "Yeah, dudes, we'll euthanize 40 feral cats for you, no problemo". With the local humane society getting involved, it is now a…

Just remember, she's no hero, she puts her bra on one boob at a time like everyone else.

You know, I had this crazy thought.