Son of a bitch... I am not a smart man.

Fair enough. I work for an MLS team.

Just posting so I can see your edit once you get it.

The Jets? Seattle beat them in Week 4.

You’re just mad because imaginary Cousins averages a triple-double on the Celtics and the imaginary Wizards trade away John Wall and move to Butte, Montana and change their name to the Butte Bullboys and toxic waste spills on the imaginary Deadspin office and you and Petchesky body swap which is fun for a few days but…

Took me 3 minutes to realize I was reading fiction. What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

He continued, “Not GRAMMATICALLY accurate, mind you. But an accurate assessment nonetheless.”

Serious question, was he?

Well, hell, even I can beat Tom Brady in a foot race...

Mike & Ike were pushing for the candy QB all morning. They won’t shut up about it.

And I just don’t understand that part of it, the word.

“Stick to school, loser! High school sports is the way to make something of your life!”

One of the few courts where being white is a disadvantage.

It’s one of those closely guarded secrets of the league, like how Antonio Gates used to play basketball.

Since my gram passed away from cancer I’d support that cause.

Usually better than the people who wear them.

Players on the winning team will be rewarded with cash bonuses

Nobody noticed because it didn’t happen.

MAKE THEM ALL WEAR ROLLERBLADES AND GIVE THEM LONG POLES WITH HOOKS ON THE END FOR SOME REASON!!

Hey Russell, here’s an idea to avoid ties. Throw for a fucking touchdown.