[simultaneously wish they could press rewind]

Boy: "unnnnnhh"

Christian colons also ended Senator Larry Craig's career.

Did Abdullah learn any lessons? "Stop before you drop."

Reid: "Husain, great work out there!"

This year's 0-4 start gave the Raiders 10 straight losses dating back to last November, and the team's -51 point differential this year is good for the second-worst mark in the league.

"Can we make it to the Eastern Conference Finals?"

I bet Peterson really wishes he could've played now having learned that the Falcons can't defend themselves either.

Let him stay. He's the only thing on the screen that makes any goddamn sense.

"Sorry about that. Here, have some blankets..."

This is different from years ago, when Sheets was left with useless Brewers.

Strange, usually testing their piss is more accurate.

Or Bonilla.

Pictured: a little girl gazes adoringly at a dopey but beloved relic of better days for a New York sports franchise.

It's too bad. He used to be someone, be someone, be someone.

When you get down to it, it is kind of strange that we get together and pretend to collect teams of employees, and award them imaginary points for things they do at their jobs, just because they work in football.

"Looks more like a drinking fountain to m-" [gets hit by rolled-up newspaper]

Reid went on to breakdance, simply by sitting on it.

I feel like the guy in the dumb hardhat thing and the Dockett jersey is just trying to help the aforementioned poor bastard in the blue shirt. He attempts to break the brawler's grip on his throat, and then punches him when that doesn't work. But the cameraman calls him out like he's part of the fight.

I can imagine the only thing that would be more horrifying is three women on the same cycle.