Our cat, Jacques, went as Jacques the Ripper last year. (This year he had a cow outfit that he was not having.)

Canadian Smarties or go home! And Coffee Crisp! Also Twizzlers are good! I mean, not really, but in their own gross waxy synthetic candy way!

I went with a nautical theme for my cats’ costumes this year.

I dressed up as a snack attack!

This is Ethyl. She is a recent widow but is living her truth and about to make a move to Boca Raton. Her dead husband Morty (aka Michael) cheated on her (in real life and fictionally) so she made some fun funeral programs and handed them out to people at the bar and thanked them for coming to his wake. I’m a petty…

Hard, chalky Sweet Tarts, all day, every day! Or if talking chocolate, then I guess any of those bars that are out there that I don’t eat very often. I’m not picky!

I don’t have a photo, because I didn’t dress up, because my Halloween costume is “The Millennial That Killed Halloween.”

I always forget Smarties are different in Canada and the US. What you Americans know as Smarties, we know as Rockets (which are great), but you’re missing out on Canadian Smarties (unless they’re a different thing in the States?)

looks like somebody needs a Snickers

Mon chien:

If your neighborhood gives any of these out, then you need to go to a different neighborhood.

No mention of Pixie Stix? What kind of list is this? Fake list! Sad!

I’ll raise you a Coffee Crisp.

1) Candy is awesome (I have yet to have non-American candy that is “better;” candy is candy)

Yes I realize the wig is on backwards.  You get 10 seconds with a cat in a costume.

Me and my work bud! “Stop bagging my head!”

Annual reminder to myself and other Canadians:

It’s my business as an inhabitant of earth because there is ZERO FUCKING REASON people should be having 5+ kids, much less 10, 11, 12, 13, as we’re facing imminent ARMAGEDDON LEVEL DISASTERS due to our rapid, rapid population increase. Our current societal structures aren’t going to be sustainable in the next 50-100…

My friend is pregnant with twins. When her husband found out it was girls he immediately informed her he’d be wanting to try for a boy. How about maybe wait a hot second for her to even have these babies before that decision?

All I can say about the name Crew is that it’s marginally better than Track [Palin, in case you were wondering].