Happy birthday to me!

Whenever the Kardashian/jenner klan Instagram their random body parts plus random clothing items, I get so confused. Like the clothing item must not be fastened but it’s held in such a way that it’s saggy yet also body forming. Then the body part in question looks disembodied and unspeakably small for a toddler lest t…

Haha especially because Brandi was regarded as fucking crazy for throwing some wine in that girls face. Speaking of that girl, she’s boring and the worst. I can never remember her name. She’s like moldy white bread. You forgot it’s in the cupboard because it’s so boring and when you do find it you’re grossed out and…

I’m also confused. Was he implying that she was taking longer because she was on her monthly and we can’t trust a woman as a president because they’re all irrational on their monthly?

I didn’t want to see Joy and then I really wanted to see joy when they put out the trailer where she was doing stuff not just random her with a gun. Now I’m hearing it was garbage. I HATED American hustle. I saw it in theater and alone as a treat and left before it ended. I felt angry. I was seeing a movie alone to…

Look, I’m sorry. But it’s time. You know it’s time. You’ve put in all the time and effort and money but it's time.

When I first read that my reaction was UH GOOD! Because I don’t want some white assholes drunk on their grandpappy’s legacy smugly walking around going “this was my family’s old farm”

I have a Christian boyfriend so I'm allllll about some Christmas with his family. But listen to this bullshit...my Chinese place that delivers is the chickfila of Chinese places. They're closed on Sunday and on Christmas Eve and Christmas. Oh, I'm sure their faith is really more important than all the dollars they…

Try makeup remover wipes on the range hood first. Or if it’s like def con rat pillow rub some oil on there, let it sit, wipe it off, then hit it with a degreaser. If it’s an under cabinet range hood, you can get a new one for like $100. It’s very simple to replace. Unscrew the first one and screw the caps off the…

This is a very long story and I’m gonna cut to the bare bones and leave out some details that may be important but probably aren’t. My dad worked out of town a lot. My mom started going out a lot. Then she started only coming home on weekends when my dad was home and then she just stopped coming home. She was having…

I am very intrigued by your pillow infrastructure. Mine involves more of a creating a base layer in the form of a L then building up. I'm gonna give yours a try right now. And why no sheets? Were you robbed? Is your family actually a frat house?

Literally everyone I’ve talked to lately has remarked the same thing. We think it’s the weather and kind of that retailers aren’t really trying anymore with Christmas. Or maybe that’s what we’re perceiving because we are weather grumps

I love reading trashy terribly written books and someone recently told me The Happy Hooker was the OG terrible person terrible story book. I've read some pretty awful books but the happy hooker is top 5 for me. The one thing I've noticed about sex workers turned madames is how they look down and talk down about their…

If I were a parent I wouldn’t let the elf have so much power. I mean, if they’re so scared of the dead eyed elf, why not harness that power year round? Yeah. Sure. Santa brings you socks and notepads and a new toothbrush. But the real powerhouse behind your Christmas which is the stuff you really want? That’s mom and…

Haha poor capital club. Getting their mat stolen and turning it into a federal case. I saw him all the time at the roof top hotel bar tho

I think he was looking for potential young college boys to lavish upon and buy their silence

I used to frequent a bar he also frequented. I’d say it's probably harder to get rent boys to you in the White House but probably no harder to find them

I thought you were talking Hulu for a second and I was like wow! I really cheated the system! whenever I watch adventure time on there I get no ads!

And they never put a paper towel down on the counter! It's always pee stick straight up laying on their counters.

I assume they mean the cleanliness level of dude bro. He only had $700 in NYC. Of course he didn't do laundry!