I found a toy my dog genuinely loves. She still rips it to shreds so it has to be replaced but she carries it around and just loves it. There's a new found joy in her eyes after we discovered that toy.

My family kind of all went their own way after my parents divorce and we all moved away from each other. Last year I spent Christmas alone and I really can't overstate how fucking amazing it was. I got gifts and all that but I opened before or after Christmas. I woke up and I made monkey bread, took the dog for a…

Seems like a long 60+ years to wait. Plus I would probably be petty enough to not wanna see my parents after they opted out of my life at 6 months old. Like thanks for all those big moments you ruined for me, guys. Scoring my first soccer goal and getting married was really tinged by all your bullshit, guys.

Like immediately? Or would she have to wait around for the child’s death?

I see it from the outsider’s point of view where yeah you def don’t want him out and with access to potiental victims. But I can also see it from a family point of view where even though he may be a monster, no one wants their loved ones in jail. I could see how he could be a person other inmates would threaten and…

I apologize if this is crass but I don’t think Timmy is some ultra Christian saving it for marriage. I think he’s gay but think hella Christian plays better with middle America. If he was actually saving it for marriage he would have married years ago like most v card for Jesus believers. He’s 28. He’s far past the…

Um. Link or it didn’t happen.

Tim Tebow and I stopped a serial killer and then.... You know....

Haha and she always has a really implausible excuse why she smells of smoke. “It was so rude! As I was walking into CNN center, this homeless man was following me smoking! Check the security cams!”

Omg. Now that I thought about it, yes. I would assume she smells like Escada Pacific Paradise or another one of the baby hooker Escada perfumes from the early 2000’s, baby powder she uses to freshen up her helmet hair and she has so much on hand cause of the tweeeeeeins, juniper breeze and coconut melon (Oprah says to…

Well this guy wins the lowest miles for a used car potential car purchase. I bought a 2005 Acura MDX with roughly 12,500 miles on it. All the radio presets were literally republican talk radio or Christian music. None of that contemporary stuff. Just scary the world is going to burn on fire if you don’t praise him…

Like she beat up her hot to trot tot lover? Sorry. I know I channeled Nancy grace there but it worked so well

No. I would be much more likely to bone him clean shaven and make it into some weird Bobby’s World thing. C’mon. I’m not the only one who can’t see his clean shaven face and think of Bobby’s World...

I think i first read about this on hufpo and the lawyer said that the teen didn’t live in the building and was frequently in the building doing drugs with other residents. Like she was doing some vigilante style cleaning up the mean streets kind of thing. Now it looks like she beat up her kiddie drug dealer

Haha man I hope so. That would be the best death bed confession

Bonus dad story: one day when I was in high school he walked downstairs to grab the laundry that just dinged and he stopped and said to me “if you were ever killed and the person who did it to you alludes to where your body is but won’t tell me where you are...I won’t need the law.” And he went and grabbed the laundry…

Wow. I'm. I'm floored by that. Like your mother is a saint. And not like one of those preachy look at me I saved those lepers kind. But like the wow I hope I can be half the woman she is when I grow up kind of Saint

I made a joke that max and ruby’s mom left to to sell drugs with Nomi Malone. I think we all knew I was being a toot because it's funny. Plus, Jake from accounting and his racists reasons America is going down the drains is an actual guy from my workplace. He's not gender specific with his rants haha

Minnesota fan?

Well, Nicki’s relationship with her brother is kinda a bigger pull headline wise. You’re more likely to click for Nicki than you are some dude related to her. Plus it shows that they are close enough she would foot the bill for the (fairly recent) wedding and there is kind of an implication that might not be the only…