Damn. That was real heavy to think about.

My dad is no good with the whole talking emotions thing. Like at all. So instead of having a reasoned and fully fleshed out dialogue with us kids, he just hits you with one liners that sound like he’s Liam Neeson in Taken. I must have been 8 or so and out of the blue my dad says with a flat affect “you know, i’d still…

Haha I mean, it’s true! I think everyone has heard a variation on the oh I never get the girls ready because my wife complains I do it wrong but then they’ll turn around and talk about dressing their sons like they’re Xhibit on Pimp my Ride. Babies are boring regardless of gender. You aren’t playing barbies or tonka…

But but but...how can the menz relate to girl infants. Looking all smug in their ruffled socks and matching binkies. Of course dad doesn’t wanna stay at home with that priss. Enjoying max and ruby. What does she think she owns the joint? And where are Max and Ruby’s parents? Shouldn’t Ruby have followed the old saying…

Do you also have oi?

I’m in my 20’s now. I have freakishly child like hands but that was the only life long side effect. Stupid growth plate. Making my hands creepy.

I’m just spitballing here. But the baby is 6 months old. So postpartum psychosis?

Hey. Just because the US is more worried about unpasteurized cheeses slipping in to cheese plates at boring wine tasting parties doesn’t mean it doesn’t love us. It means that the us knows that life probably isn’t worth living without the good cheese, so we’ll up the chances that your life ends faster so you can go to…

That’d show Jolie Kerr. I CAN’T MAKE MY BED BECAUSE I’M A T-REX, MOM!

The snuggie or the mattress pad? Both are slap on there and plug in and bask in its warmth

Nope. I was in first grade and then freshman in high school

I still remember sobbing “go get a mom. Any mom. I don’t care who’s mom it is.”

I was a child when that happened. I missed the firemans pole and went splat when I was 6. When I was 14 I was regaling everyone with the tale of when I was 6 I fell over there and broke both my arms and how big of a badass I was because I didn't cry even once. I was swinging on the swings as I told this story with my…

It has been a very odd dream of mine to knit a snuggie since they came on the scene. Don’t know why but it just seems like it would be fun. Can I offer some unsolicited advice on the cold living room? I have a whippet so beefing up the warm during the winter is a must do. I got her a heated blanket but you can’t…

I really wanna hand knit you a snuggie for you to wear while you write your monologues now.

Is that how you see women? Just gibberin jabberin walking vaginas? Seriously, bro. If you're this worked up over someone on the Internet saying they don't think guns have a place in polite society but know that they're here to stay and that's a bummer...maybe you should look into taking some of those pills you so…

I understand this guy could legally buy them and that sucks. That's on us as a country. But we have a real situation on deck here with gun violence in this country. I know we can't just abolish guns because look how well that worked with prohibition. But making it harder for people to get access to death machines…

Really? I’m the one not making sense here?

I guess for me what gun ownership comes down to calculated risk. It’s just not worth it to me to have guns in my life. I feel like if I’m in a situation where a gun is pointed at me, my fate is already written at that point. If I get out alive, cool. If not, a gun didn’t guarantee that fact to begin with.

God damn. Just...slow clap.