1. I’m not mad, I don’t know why you would think that I am.

Well obviously they’re all jealous. There’s no other reason why women would stop talking to her after she spends an hour talking about how she hates women.

of course.

There’s a Tara in every college class. She never shuts up about how crazy she is.

That’s what I was wondering

I’m sorry you’re going through all that. If you feel you have no one to talk to you can always count on us Jezzies to listen.

I’ve got a good michelada going here. You guys?

In Texas you’re not required to disclose at a traffic stop that you have a gun. So the cop could go through the whole traffic stop never knowing that the person had a gun, which probably happens a lot. In my experience, letting the cop know that you have a gun is for the best because after they ask you to take it out…

omg

“Juliana did that thing we’ve all done, telling him it was cool with her when it really wasn’t.”

I’m still waiting for his line of sports sandals to come out.

Because it’s not a lie. Your muscles go back to normal or almost normal after a few years. Sometimes women have a different experience and choose to get surgery to fix whatever damage can’t be repaired naturally.

Stuff the box with cotton balls and tape it shut.

To be clear though, the sign says bags are SUBJECT to inspection, not that all bags are going to be checked.

I’ve never worked in the food industry so I may be completely off, but if I heard someone ordering something ridiculous like that for a child I would assume the child had some sort of disorder or syndrome that made him picky about his food. Obviously the dad was an ass about it though.

I loved Vegas and I was only there for a day. Never before or after have I had pornographic ads rain down on me from the sky.

Holy shit it’s Mattie from True Grit! I haven’t seen her in anything since then, she was awesome. Not really into this song though.

I haven’t watched a scary movie since I was a teenager (due to my brain’s insistence that anything in a scary movie is real and going to get me) but I thought the people that screamed made the experience more fun. Another example of this is Magic Mike XXL, which would be ok if you watched it at home, but was AMAZING…

True. My meals for three take 45 minutes to an hour to prepare. AND they’re healthy and gluten free! IT’S SOOOOOOOOO EASY!

I’ve heard like...TWO Fall Out Boy songs, but all this drama about Pete Wentz being a creep is giving me life. You have to compile these stories. The world must know.