I wonder if his mom used to over praise him to the point he thought everything he did was super super special and great. Now that she’s not around to stroke that ego he’s flailing and freaking the fuck out.

You can thank me later.

I hated her in that. A 20 year old playing a character who is supposed to be 30 is peak Hollywood. (real 30 year olds are too old and wrinkly to possibly play one in a movie. /s)

Chris Pratt’s face is hilarious here. He clearly realized the moment she stepped off that cliff.

Mariah Carey is the New Kim Kardashian!

I don’t know how to say this without sounding mean but Mariah Carey gives me a weird Miss Piggy vibe. Like.. if Miss Piggy were an actual human being, she’d be Mariah Carey.

Has Mariah Carey ever worn a pair of shoes that didn’t look stolen from Miss Piggy?

I was going to go with starfish, coffee, maple syrup and jam

I assume the lawyers are pro-lifers and they were delighted to file this argument in support of their broader goal to have embryos recognized as persons under the 14th amendment, entitled to equal protection of the law. This isn’t just one guy being an abusive dick to his famous ex. This case is perfectly consistent…

No, I’m just a scientist who experiments with animating non-living matter. My sofa was the first successful attempt. His name is Brandon and he’s held down a job as a road-side sign-twirler for over a month now.

I’ve seen sofas that had much more DNA and reproductove material in them than those embryos combined.

I’d actually prefer it if the first words out of the judge’s mouth were “you fuckin’ with me?”

Right? I looked at the pic and was like “story checks out, he’s creepy.”

Actually, considering what my sofa has been through, it’s probably more alive than those embryos.

But why now? Why This Sperm?

I didn’t really think Kanya and Kim were going to divorce (yet), but Cheban’s post now has me convinced it’s going to happen any minute.

“What’s new” - my least favorite question. It’s like, “I don’t know, my fucking cat killed another mouse in the house this week. And the other one kicked shit out of the catbox onto the carpet. Fuck. What’s new for you?”

Mariah has an over-the-top vision of herself

I see no reason to give shitstains like this the benefit of the doubt. They had a chance. And they voted for Trump. That was their chance and they fucked it up.