Oh thank Christ! Turnip Tuesday was not going to go over well in my house. The kids have been spared this time.

Well good. Taco Tuesday should be actual tacos, not whatever the fuck it was he wanted it for(I forgot because I don’t care).

Everyone does Taco Tuesday. A real business genius would trademark Taco Sunday then advertise the shit out of it until it becomes a thing.

And this is why, kids, we don’t fuck our cousins.

Yup. I mean the kid made Deadspin, for crying out loud. That autograph will be gone when he forgets to take it out of his pocket and his mom throws his pants in the washer.

or 3) your parents parlay it into your 15 minutes (or more) of fame. The kid gets a DeMarcus Lawrence jersey for Christmas, parents contact the Cowboys public relations people and arrange a whole thing where he meets DeMarcus again after a game, gets his new jersey signed in front of media people, goes on the Today…

Scholastic is pleased to announce the following new titles by Ronde and Tiki Barber:

Lawrence really should be careful. Things like that can have repercussions later on in life.

Sign for a kid, he sells it on ebay once.  Dunk on a kid, he has a bar story for life.

Which would you really rather have when you grow up?

I mean that kid CAN NOT be more than 10. So, as a Giants fan, this isn't even in the top 20 most embarrassing things he's experienced. 

Yeah, that’s always been my rule of thumb. If you’re watching a game, at the stadium or at home, go ahead with “We should have scored” or “The Refs are screwing us”.

“Intergluteal Cleft” would be a FANTASTIC name for a rock band.

A few weeks ago Comedy Central replayed the roast of Rob Lowe. Like half the show was everyone just dunking on Coulter. They all clearly hated her and didn’t want her there.

I kept waiting for a discussion about the fan clubs making new members roll around on top of an ant hill until they start hallucinating from the stings.

do NOT make the mistake i did for this post and look up “black rod” on twitter while at work

It’s amazing how much you miss that line when you go to an actual game....

I was watching I think cbs yesterday or maybe it was Fox, but whichever one didn’t have a first down yellow line and I’ve never felt more confused and alive