I will always fondly remember the GOP ticket for 2008...

She wants someone to put ‘lipstick on her pitbull’. Wait, what are we doing?

This is going to be hardest on Bristol, Track, Twig, Smock, Groot, Krunk, Willow, Slider, Stub, Twiddle, Piper, Fluff, Carat, Keg, Snuggle, Bop, Rice and Spoit.

She wants somebody to “frack her national parks.”

Let’s start a reality show where awful conservative guys compete to marry Sarah Palin and then at the end we exile them all to an island forever.

Todd got tired of hearing how big Glenn Rice was!

She’s looking for someone new to “drill the frozen tundra.”

How’s the methy, grifty thing working out for you?

I thoroughly enjoyed that article, with the exception of the sources that claimed Falwell the Senior was some sort of well-intentioned father figure. No, he was just as big of an ass as any of the 80's televangelists.

Agreed. Squat fails are so low key—every time I’ve failed, it’s just been a gentle “set the bar on the safeties and then sit down on the floor” sort of thing.

If the story did happen I can almost guarantee that the woman in question is on Medicare and doesn’t want any evil socialist government run healthcare.

One thing that must be understood about narcissistic parents is that they frequently pit their kids against each other. The special bond between (normal, healthy) siblings is seen as a threat to the parent.

“Dolphins head coach Brian Flores declared on Friday, ‘I have a good team.’”

Counterpoint: Lamar Jackson actually believes he can throw a football now and this overconfidence leads to a Ravens implosion over the course of the season.

More confidence than you’ll get from waxing the dolphin.

Holy shit! Tivo still exists in your timeline?!? Do you guys have still have Circuit City?

Can we put a pin in this and circle back to it at a later point in time?

Whoa there, you forgot to shift your paradigm a little to the left.

I’m going to leverage your thought leadership when we ideate our next ecosystem disruption. I think a deep dive initiative will help unpack the core competencies needed to move the needle on our deliverables. Hopefully, it will incentivize engagement among key players. I’m out of pocket right now, so I can’t drill…

Here’s my guide: