Even though everything the man touches turns to absolute shit, he’ll always be able to serve as a throwback to the old idea that anybody can grow up to be President, regardless of talent, likeability, intelligence, grace, or practically any other positive human trait.

What you have to remember, and that people forget, is that Trump is very, very stupid.

Everyone needs to stop it with this “Trump destroyed the USFL” crap. He beat the NFL in court and here’s the proof. #winning

“It gets worse. Revis is gone.”

Alexandra may be lying- the Jets beat the Raiders on opening day in 2014. Although from what I remember of Geno Smith’s performance that day, she may not be.

It would be a smart idea for you to shut the fuck up and go back to fixing the Slurpee machine.

“Fuck the Jets. Fuck my friends. Fuck my dad for making a fan of this shitty team and fuck me for being stupid enough to listen to him.”

I have been reading through both those transcripts, and man, is it comedy gold. I mean, my favorite part is where Turnbull spends a good 75% of the call explaining to Cheeto Benito that he can vet the immigrants before taking them into America and then Trump goes, yes this is terrible, but what if I were to vet them…

Well, I didn’t when I typed. But now here I am reading it on the internet. So I am left with no choice.

She wanted to date a football player that she could beat up?

Very suspicious...why would a tennis player date a kicker?

Let us ask ourselves if we can imagine any scenario where Michael Jordan would apply criteria to this discussion that in any way might threaten his assumed position at the top of a ranking of modern NBA players.

This is the answer to most questions.

Miller got the general gist of The Shawshank Redemption, but completely whiffed on the philosophy, tone, message, and, well, basically everything but the jail setting.

What the fuck is with their fuckin’ weird ass mouths?

I wish I was smart enough to know how to screengrab a Tweet, but Clara Jeffrey astutely said this morning, “If universities have to get rid of any remaining affirmative action programs they should have to eliminate legacy preferences too.”

Can’t beat nepotism!

He’s not doing something so mundane as just making up countries: he is living almost entirely inside his own head. To somebody as narcissistic as Trump (not to mention the very real possibility of dementia!), the outside world exists only to lavish him with praise and tell him how wonderful he is. Full stop. He’s not…

Oh, GDP 9 percent, not well. And I’m saying to myself, here we are at like 1 percent, dying, and they’re at 9 percent and they’re unhappy. So, you know, and these are like countries, you know, fairly large, like 300 million people.