My wife recently bought me a hideous shirt that she expects me to wear this weekend to a social outing. Since we’re hanging out with my friends and they’re relentless assholes I’ll never the end of it.

What are your feelings towards people who eat pizza with a knife and a fork?

Not just that he’s pairing it with fucking sweatpants

As a Warriors fan I can tell you it’s when Draymond tried to neuter Steven Adams the second time.

Yeah guys, stick to sports! Everyone knows that sports and politics don’t mix (pantomimes whacking off).

More annoying lack of bathroom etiquette: assholes who piss all over the seats or assholes who use an entire roll of tp or non-flushers who leave their stinky turds for all to see?

My wife tried to convince me boneless chicken wings are better, should I divorce her immediately?

A close friend of mine bought a recipe book and learned to how make a couple basic albeit tasty dishes and now he thinks he’s the next Bobby Flay. Is it ok to punch him in the throat next time he lectures me about flavor profiles?

I want to be friends with you.

Serious question: is there another franchise that has a history of not winning yet seems to have a large and devoted fanbase like the Cubs?

That stadium was about 25% full last night so at least there was plenty of brawling space available.

I don’t get it...

When I was a young lad I couldn’t get into baseball not matter how hard I tried to watch it but I absolutely loved Major League. Since then the Indians have always been my “AL team” that I root for when my team is out of the race.

Without even clicking on the link for that movie trailer I’m going to take a wild guess and say that Peter Berg directed it.

Is a douche canoe a regular canoe filled with douche or a canoe in the shape of a douche?

Just checked out Johnny Cueto’s IG and was NOT disappointed

Are all the people who worked on this game Buffalo Bills fans?

Is anyone really shocked that the majority of those emails are from guys named Spencedog and Rocket McFadden? And judging by all the homophobic remarks all over their emails I’m guessing they aren’t gay at all! They’re probably the manliest men out there. Yup, zero homoerotic thoughts, they just enjoy good ol’…

This is correct

Have any of you ever had any super fans who reached out to you guys constantly and asking if you could be friends?