This take is irredeemably bad. I Can’t Believe it’s Not Better.

Melt it down, pour it into a measuring cup, pour it back on the butter dish, freeze the dish, then cut the butter back out and add it to the recipe. idiot

...... The Aristocrats!

we’ll have the whole thing recorded, we’ll blank out the face of our guy and we post it on the Internet.

“The Jews also control when I get to eat dessert. They’re worried about my cholesterol.”

My grandpa owned his own business. Every day he shut it down for an hour so he could watch Sesame Street over lunch in the breakroom. He made everyone who worked for him (about a dozen people) join him. You had to have a pretty good excuse to not watch Sesame Street with him.

We were out to dinner with my father in-law. He told the waitress his order, then pointed at my 12 year old son and said “and he’ll have a shit sandwich”.

My grandpa once complained to my grandma that the leftover peaches in the refrigerator tasted awful, but he ate them all anyway. They were egg yolks that my grandma had separated and saved for later.

What are the odds he claims he has a bracket (that he kept secret because he didn’t want people stealing his picks) that’s somehow absolutely perfect?

Don’t do this. Don’t pick apart non perfect allies when they do something good. Kudos to them for moving forward and helping the fight to equality. Not excusing anything they’ve done in the past, but they deserve a handshake for this one.

we’re looking at the best way forward to push these other things through, whether it’s on a state level, whether it’s on a federal level,

there’s nothing stopping your 401k from having good investment options other than your company picking a shitty provider or set of funds. Having a shitty 401k isnt the same as 401ks being shitty.

Blood coming out it’s headlights lights, tail lights, wherever.

Why are Trump supporters so proud to be ignorant assholes?

Oh come on. This is a guy who wants to spend billions on a wall on the Mexican border that won’t do anything.

You just need to rob a different one.

Actually, according to my bank, I can not

Time to get past the I need a manual gear box or I’m not a true car enthusiast, when all the top hypercars have abandoned the manual gear box for something more machine controlled it’s time to let it go.

The fact that Kellyanne Conway likes the Heat is all the reason I need...

“I’ll never talk!”