Yeah, numbers 1 through 6 weren’t even preamble, they’re not ancillary, they needn’t even be raised. #7 is the killer, right there. You don’t need to evaluate this idea any longer. #7 and it’s stillborn.

You got half the room going crazy over this Russia thing... They want to investigate everything, they want to do something really great for this country. Then you have the other side on even really obvious news like Russian Lawyers in trump tower - they were like death. Can we call that treason? Why not!

If I’m one of those tuba players, you go and play the “fat person walking” music as Trump walks away. That’s an opportunity you’ll never get again and one you’ll always regret not taking.

first football game, first kiss (doesn’t count because it was part of a play but still), first beer, first love (unrequited), first Metallica concert, first cigarette, first pube, etc.

I got it man, first thing I thought of was, “holy shit this same guy is back at it again!?”

Probably all speaking African with each other too.

The Latin portion of law jargon is tiny. Most law jargon is the result of nothing ever being written from scratch. Imagine if you only had one base email and you copy-pasted it for decades and just added in new sentences as they were needed. Congratulations, you just drafted a contract.

I am wondering what else the doctor tried before he settled on “Jenny McCarthy’s half-brother with bad shirts.” But I have to figure he knew he hit it out of the ballpark the second he landed on this one.

You can’t judge these people Erik. Not everyone can afford the safety equipment and fees needed to shine lasers at aircraft at a track. Besides, I bet you once recorded a baseball game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball, so get off your high horse.

I feel like if you have to tell a spy to not voluntarily wear something called a “tracking device” then they need to take some remedial Spy classes. I’ve never been a spy myself, but I’ve seen enough movies/tv/novels/YouTube videos/episodes of Cheaters to know that I should attempt to avoid “tracking devices” if I…

Beliefs contrary to theirs are the only ones that qualify as political. Saying everyone should stand for the flag and venerate the military, and that God made men and women and that’s it...well, that’s not political, that’s just common sense.

“Subject: The Douche Channel Is Calling”

Captain “Freedumbz” Hannity doing his best to protect the Trumper. Ends badly.

Counterpoint: My parents never asked me about my day. I promise you, that is far far worse.

I’ve heard tales that there’s a peninsula in Europe almost entirely filled with white people with names like Martinez (the rest I think are Brazilians or some shit). Makes you think

So tired of hearing these (no pun intended), I decided to upload a video of my car I recorded a while ago. More of my reason can be read on the video description, but I’d like to add that not many people (even owners) appreciate the new sound enough. The insulation of the sedan is so damn well that the car sounds so…

“There is no hierarchy whatsoever on this team I decided to name after me.”

The fact that THE WH PRESS SECRETARY is announcing to the world on her work account that she has an Echo and doesn’t have the brains to properly secure it is probably more troubling than if her kid is a crafty kid.

I watch for people who peel a banana this way and then avoid them like the plague. Everyone I have ever seen peel a banana this way is a contrarian and a know it all. Please don’t stop though. It is a useful nonverbal cue for me.

Nick, did you forget your wife’s birthday again?