I dunno, it seems like anyplace with a chant would be a lot more satisfying to leave. On the big day just take the chant up to eleven, scream “WATERTOWN!!!” punch a hole through the wall, scream “LETS DO THIS!” as you run off towards your department at full speed. You might even end up with a promotion if they didn’t…

Since it has 19 cupholders I assume it has at least one convenient place to hold a purse. Please confirm.

I think you know you are being dishonest by claiming his complaint was about his own annoyance. It is, by any standard, terrible judgement to flood your business with such gems as, “I got money to count, I got bitches to fuck, I got packs to flip, pistols to bust”. It’s not hard to imagine his complaint was about…

But some debate came up when I mentioned having had sex with someone with dual citizenship. I argue she counts as two points.

I was also under the impression it is illegal to plead guilty to a crime for a lesser sentence while also maintaining your innocence. You are blatantly lying to the court. It seems like a “no contest” plea would be more appropriate.

But I believe they said those monthly payments totaled about $450k so somewhere there are a few more shoes waiting to drop. Or maybe Trump is just really generous and gave him some extra money.

Possibly also the person who demands to spend 0 minutes with his fiancé’s slightly annoying friend. The Funbag isn’t meant to be a psychopath enabler!

encourages privileged parents to move to higher-performing, affluent, and often disproportionately white districts, which inevitably leaves behind, and excludes, poor children of color who get stuck in unstable, underfunded schools.

Investigator used the words “salami” to describe the level of pants stuffing at the club last night.

Obviously the cooler companies are good at recognizing easy marks. “Hey look a large group of people that create their entire self-identity around guns. This will be the easiest marketing campaign ever.” Props to Bison for including “join the herd” in their tweet.

As far as I can tell you and Jezebel are thirsty for the stories so you can then spin a “So-and-so wants to make a comeback” story into a broader narrative about injustice and society’s carelessness towards women and harassment.

Wait until Macron sees that Trump got TWO scoops of ice cream. Then he’ll really know who’s boss.

Ditto: styling by Revlon......or maybe it’s Maybelline.

Definitely wise to ask this before you ride it 60 miles into the desert.

Works with pets too! We adopted two identical puppies and keep one locked in the basement in case the original runs away or something.

My parents just cut the thing in half so there’d be an exact replica.

Username checks out.

Ugh, another idiotic patent. Now let’s patent a design where all the chairs face outward, then patent a design where they are in a square instead of a circle, then patent one where the chairs rotate to face the table or outwards.

The other day a restaurant asked me if I wanted ice in my water. The Puerto Ricans have been adding ice to their water for years! 

I can’t tell if you are serious, or Ashley Feinberg