oh I see you’ve met my mother

I made the mistake of telling my mother that I’d taught my daughter how to use a tampon when she started her period for the first time. My mother paused and then said in a voice of shock “But ... won’t that break her hymen?”

Yeah I got my daughter on the pill way before she was having sex, because the poor kid inherited my ridiculous cycle and then some. Four years later we got her an IUD because nothing was helping. And now I won’t be a grandmother before I’m 50, whatever happens.

I didn’t have to guess. My daughter came home and bragged about it.

Yeah I was in Utah over Christmas, and in the snow-filled parking lot of a grocery store I saw a couple: she in flip-flops, and he in those baggy knee-length shorts and a tee shirt. It was 11 degrees.

I’m going with community theater production of “Brokeback Mountain”.

Oh yeah. And get a court order for child support. Even if he swears he’s going to pay. If he does, then great, you won’t need it, but if (when) he doesn’t you’ll be glad you have it.

I sometimes still have nightmares that my daughter has a hamster I’ve forgotten about, and it’s been languishing in a filthy cage with no food or water. For years.

Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, if you’re into lighthearted fun with fabulous outfits.

I left a guy like that when our kid was about a year old- and fortunately I had my mom to stay with, but let me tell you it was like 10 thousand pounds had been lifted off me. My money stopped disappearing. I could pay my bills. I didn’t have to negotiate EVERY. GODDAMN. THING. I didn’t realize how much energy I was…

I actually rather like Dress Barn. They’ve got a good variety.

I’m with you, I find it goes on streaky and needs three coats to really get coverage. I only bought it because I couldn’t resist a sparkly teal polish called “Trophy Wife”.

I wanted to like it, but I’ve never been able to finish watching it. Even on a small screen the shaky-cam is too much for me. No other movie like that has made me motion-sick but that one.

Not evil, but she’s a pretty shit parent for the first couple of seasons.

It seems like an excellent plan when you put it that way.

Right? Wouldn’t the shoulders keep the space open just as well?

my hero

I live in legal-weed-land, I could probably make a nice profit if I could convince one of the local shops to sell on consignment.

Now I’m kind of wondering, like ... that was a lot of fake carrots. What if the smugglers missed one? And you’re at home making stew when all of a sudden one of your carrots is totally weed.

Especially since we* do it, but if an actual black person mentions slavery it’s “omg that was like 200 years ago get over it already.”